Talent Show Judges - A Crash Course

I have been watching crap TV programs for a long time in cable (since May 1998) and now I feel like I need to be a part of this event rather than simply watching it. So I tried my hand at cricket. I scored at a very brisk pace, was consistent, could handle the short pitched balls, was trim and fit, bowled spin and never missed a catch. So the Indian team management felt that I was not the best fit for their team, also I did not suffer from IPL fatigue. My head hung and I was disappointed that I could not make it to the TV. Just then did I realise that I had a lot of potentials in the reality TV shows.

Reality television is a genre of programmes that is supposed to present unscripted dramatic or humourous programs but in reality it doesn’t. Confused as to what I am saying here, well reality television programmes started out to be not rehearsed and extempore in nature but then it did not draw much of response from the audiences and hence they turned to a little dramatised and rehearsed reality programs which has created waves in the media market today.

The genre initially covered a wide range of program formats, from game shows, talk shows to quiz shows. The main aim of the show is to portray the participants in a highly modified and influenced form of reality which means acting thereby utilising sensationalism to attract innocent viewers for Target Rating Points (TRP). Participants are selected by testing the acting ability of the person to improvise the situation given in such a way as to display realism as well as acting abilities at the same time.

OK enough about Reality shows and talent hunt shows, let’s get to business. If you need yourself to be equipped with the linguistics of a judge you need to have certain jargons in your vocabulary. You don’t have to go anywhere to search them; I have compiled them here for your benefit. I also will answer some of your more thought provoking questions on talent shows.

Situation: You heard one of the worst renditions of a hit song. How do you give your feedback?
You have to say something in the lines of “What a superb performance, I have never seen one like this before. A good job. God Bless you, all the best. I have a few clarifications to make, the pitching of the song was not to tune, your beats were out of sync, the voice dynamics were not up to the mark, other than that the overall you performance was really excellent … I give you 8 on 10”.

Situation: You heard one of the best renditions of a hit song. How do you give your feedback?
You have to say something in the lines of “What a superb performance, it should be termed a stellar performance. I knew you would deliver just like this … great song selection, good dress, nice body language - your performance was really excellent … I give you 8 on 10”.

Situation: You hear one of the renditions of a hit song which you don’t like. How do you give your feedback?
You have to say something in the lines of “What a superb performance, god bless you, you have a bright career if you continue to practice hard and improve your voice … I give you 8 on 10”.

Situation: You heard one of a decent or average rendition of a hit song. How do you give your feedback?
You have to say something in the lines of “What a scintillating performance, you look like a complete performer. If you can manage to sing like this for another 10 years you could easily make it to the top. Thanks for the song selection, nice body language, good voice dynamics, you sang with conviction - your performance was really excellent … on par with the rest, I give you 8 on 10”.

Situation: You heard one of the best renditions of a worst song. How do you give your feedback?
You have to say something in the lines of “this performance deserves a standing ovation; it should be termed a stellar performance. You took such a tough song and delivered the exact feelings of the song … your voice throw was good, nice movements, on the whole your performance was really excellent than we expected … I give you 8 on 10”.

Some of the jargons which is needed in your vocabulary
1. You are a complete performer
2. Voice dynamics needs to be up
3. Throw your voice
4. Understand the emotions
5. There is a slight crack in your voice
6. Swallow the song
7. Feel the modulation
8. Vocal chemistry is missing
9. Justice to the song
10. You choose a tough song and rendered it better
11. Superb, no words to say
12. You have matured into a fine artist
13. I never expected this kind of a performance from you – Bravo
14. God Bless You
15. You have a great future (Never mention in what)

Kindly memorize these jargons and style of feedback and then you are completly qualified as a Reality or Talent hunt show judge.

Now for the FAQ

Ques: How do I become a Talent hunt show judge?
Answ: Just record a few feedback analyses in a CD and mail it to the producer of the show

Ques: Is that all I have to do?
Answ: Yes, they will come back with 2 days after reviewing your CD.

Ques: Won’t these viewers know that we are just fooling around?
Answ: SHUT UP – do want to come on TV or not?

Ques: I am not so famous; can I still make it to a judge?
Answ: We have so many channels and too many show, too few judges so you are always in demand.

Ques: I don’t have any experience in anything, what to do?
Answ: Neither does the contestants, so why do you worry. Producer only looks for TRP ratings.

Ques: Do I have to update any other skills?
Answ: Yes, you have to look either too profession or too local. One of them is a must.

Ques: What do you mean by local?
Answ: Enough of questions, get on with your make up, we are going live in 5 minutes.

Ques: What is the program?
Answ: Caretel Super Flusher Jr – Season 2. Search for the best toilet flusher in town

The Open Music begins [Dramatic One too – Water Flushing]