Ever since the apes started to climb on top the trees, there was a new quality which sprang up in them. It was that the apes wanted to climb on top of every one and then start to do “Choo choo” or “Kak ka”. This was the beginning of what is in today’s modern world called as Managerial qualities.
Even after many evident fossil records of the Choo Choo(s) and Kak Ka(s) today we are still feeling the heat to strive and improve our managerial skills. It is primarily for this reason that I am writing this post to help those to-be-managers to obtain all the necessary management skills. I have identified the 7 main habits which are conceived to be misunderstood by most (this certainly includes you) and shall elaborate on each item for the reader’s benefit.
Work Gesture: Frankly speaking there are 3 ways of executing work. The first way is not to do any work at all thereby getting fired and ending up taking a career as an auto-insurance agent.
The second way is to take up challenging work which is highly risky and ending up failing to finish the job and thereby remaining stagnant at the same place throughout your career with a life like a weasel.
Finally the correct way is to pretend doing high efficient work while in actual not doing anything and get promoted to the next level. Examples of the work are like renaming the departments, initiating brainstorming sessions, teaching process workflows, detailed documents with management buzzwords, team outing on weekends, oriental meditation etc.
Communication: The way a leader talks makes him more authoritative or not. Mainly the newly appointed folks talk to their team members in a manner in which the team understands each word that you utter. If this trend were to continue it would lead to your downfall.
For instance nobody ever knows what the chairman of the planning commission talks and thus he is dumped with accolades for talking in that fashion. If for some reason the people understood him then he would have been transferred to the fishery and marine welfare department. So for a good leader we have to talk something which is complicated and yet derives no meaning whatsoever.
For example, to define estimation we have to say something like “a systemised logistical projection of futuristic monitored capabilities”. The more jargon you spur out in the documents, more the folk acknowledges you as a talented leader.
Dress: The attire of a leader is most looked at, the better and bigger you dress the more leadership qualities you derive. Let’s take for instance Mahmud Ghazni had ordered his troops to attack India for the 17th time after loosing 16 of the battles while dressed like Gandhi. None of his troops would have obeyed the orders. It was due to that laborious dresses and hair style that generated the power of Ghazni. Perhaps Ghazni had to learn this fact by trial and error since the first 6 times that he invaded he was pretty much tired due to the travel that he wasn’t dressed for the occasion.
This doesn’t immediately precipitate a fact that you have to have a wardrobe equivalent of that of Barbie (Each dress though sold separately) and her magical kingdom but you have to make sure that you don’t end up having a wardrobe like a Zulu Wachati tribe’s leader.
Talk too Long: There is a common misconception that leaders have to be short, crisp and to the point when it comes to speeches. Take for example, even Jesus of Nazareth when he delivered the Sermon on the Mount it ran for 47 weeks with just 3 breaks in between. A leader thus has to talk for a long time such that the entirety of the audience has to be woken up once you finish your brief lecture on Quality Process.
To become a good leader never mind if the audience are sleeping or gesturing you to stop, just carry on with your speech and finally they will give in and let ant-hills grow over them. Never dare to make eye contacts with them, thereby giving you enough time to put them to sleep and win your battles. Another example would be to elaborate an instance when you were an apprentice and how you listened actively to your boss while getting your problems solved.
Manage Your Calendar: Prior to being a manager you would have managed your own time but now being a manager you should never try to manage your own calendar. For instance if Napoleon had managed his own time we wouldn’t know who he was, it was due to his secretary that he became famous.
For instance his calendar would look like
Task: Attack Russians in winter.
At: Waterloo.
Time: 3PM.
Without this vital information Napoleon could never manage his troops or his tasks. So if you want to be a famous and courageous leader then have one of your dumbest subordinates to manager your time.
Late for Meetings: Meetings are a big weapon for the managers which are used to subdue the firebrand employees who come with their problems. The points where good managers differ from the worst are in the timings.
Good managers are supposed to turn in very late to the meeting thereby making others frustrated to such an extent that they all forget the main point for which the meeting was called for. In case by mistake if you are early, all you got to do is to say I have another urgent high priority work and say that you continue with the meeting and he shall join later.
Going early for the meeting will clearly expose your weaknesses, so as a good leader you have to try and avoid them as much as possible. Also you have to convene as many meetings as possible within a week to maintain your control over the subordinates.
Technology Primers: Having been promoted to a status of management expert one is expected to forget all his technological skills failing which you may not be allowed into the circle. Often one has to rely on their subordinates for all technological clarifications.
Here I am listing a few most often sought out clarifications given to a manager by his close subordinate.
1. When sending faxes, the original document stays at the same place and only a copy gets faxed.
2. Electronic mails are delivered instantaneously and there is no need to call the recipient for intimation.
3. Internet search engines are not the right place for locating your company’s conference rooms.
4. Delete option for files/folders do not come with an UNDO command.
5. Xerox and Printers have different uses and cannot be interchanged.
6. It’s highly dangerous to microwave green banana in a closed container.
I hope some of you could relate a few of these points dealt in the post in your managerial career. If so, try to take the appropriate corrective action and I guarantee that you will have a successful career as a Manager.
The reason for my authority in this subject is that these points have worked for me and certainly for many management folks in the software industry. In case it hasn’t worked for you kindly remember that there is always another company which matches your skills and you can opt for it. (Warning: Don’t tell me that I did not warn you before).
Ok folks, my team are waiting for me to do their performance appraisal for the assessment year 1941-42.
Even after many evident fossil records of the Choo Choo(s) and Kak Ka(s) today we are still feeling the heat to strive and improve our managerial skills. It is primarily for this reason that I am writing this post to help those to-be-managers to obtain all the necessary management skills. I have identified the 7 main habits which are conceived to be misunderstood by most (this certainly includes you) and shall elaborate on each item for the reader’s benefit.
Work Gesture: Frankly speaking there are 3 ways of executing work. The first way is not to do any work at all thereby getting fired and ending up taking a career as an auto-insurance agent.
The second way is to take up challenging work which is highly risky and ending up failing to finish the job and thereby remaining stagnant at the same place throughout your career with a life like a weasel.
Finally the correct way is to pretend doing high efficient work while in actual not doing anything and get promoted to the next level. Examples of the work are like renaming the departments, initiating brainstorming sessions, teaching process workflows, detailed documents with management buzzwords, team outing on weekends, oriental meditation etc.
Communication: The way a leader talks makes him more authoritative or not. Mainly the newly appointed folks talk to their team members in a manner in which the team understands each word that you utter. If this trend were to continue it would lead to your downfall.
For instance nobody ever knows what the chairman of the planning commission talks and thus he is dumped with accolades for talking in that fashion. If for some reason the people understood him then he would have been transferred to the fishery and marine welfare department. So for a good leader we have to talk something which is complicated and yet derives no meaning whatsoever.
For example, to define estimation we have to say something like “a systemised logistical projection of futuristic monitored capabilities”. The more jargon you spur out in the documents, more the folk acknowledges you as a talented leader.
Dress: The attire of a leader is most looked at, the better and bigger you dress the more leadership qualities you derive. Let’s take for instance Mahmud Ghazni had ordered his troops to attack India for the 17th time after loosing 16 of the battles while dressed like Gandhi. None of his troops would have obeyed the orders. It was due to that laborious dresses and hair style that generated the power of Ghazni. Perhaps Ghazni had to learn this fact by trial and error since the first 6 times that he invaded he was pretty much tired due to the travel that he wasn’t dressed for the occasion.
This doesn’t immediately precipitate a fact that you have to have a wardrobe equivalent of that of Barbie (Each dress though sold separately) and her magical kingdom but you have to make sure that you don’t end up having a wardrobe like a Zulu Wachati tribe’s leader.
Talk too Long: There is a common misconception that leaders have to be short, crisp and to the point when it comes to speeches. Take for example, even Jesus of Nazareth when he delivered the Sermon on the Mount it ran for 47 weeks with just 3 breaks in between. A leader thus has to talk for a long time such that the entirety of the audience has to be woken up once you finish your brief lecture on Quality Process.
To become a good leader never mind if the audience are sleeping or gesturing you to stop, just carry on with your speech and finally they will give in and let ant-hills grow over them. Never dare to make eye contacts with them, thereby giving you enough time to put them to sleep and win your battles. Another example would be to elaborate an instance when you were an apprentice and how you listened actively to your boss while getting your problems solved.
Manage Your Calendar: Prior to being a manager you would have managed your own time but now being a manager you should never try to manage your own calendar. For instance if Napoleon had managed his own time we wouldn’t know who he was, it was due to his secretary that he became famous.
For instance his calendar would look like
Task: Attack Russians in winter.
At: Waterloo.
Time: 3PM.
Without this vital information Napoleon could never manage his troops or his tasks. So if you want to be a famous and courageous leader then have one of your dumbest subordinates to manager your time.
Late for Meetings: Meetings are a big weapon for the managers which are used to subdue the firebrand employees who come with their problems. The points where good managers differ from the worst are in the timings.
Good managers are supposed to turn in very late to the meeting thereby making others frustrated to such an extent that they all forget the main point for which the meeting was called for. In case by mistake if you are early, all you got to do is to say I have another urgent high priority work and say that you continue with the meeting and he shall join later.
Going early for the meeting will clearly expose your weaknesses, so as a good leader you have to try and avoid them as much as possible. Also you have to convene as many meetings as possible within a week to maintain your control over the subordinates.
Technology Primers: Having been promoted to a status of management expert one is expected to forget all his technological skills failing which you may not be allowed into the circle. Often one has to rely on their subordinates for all technological clarifications.
Here I am listing a few most often sought out clarifications given to a manager by his close subordinate.
1. When sending faxes, the original document stays at the same place and only a copy gets faxed.
2. Electronic mails are delivered instantaneously and there is no need to call the recipient for intimation.
3. Internet search engines are not the right place for locating your company’s conference rooms.
4. Delete option for files/folders do not come with an UNDO command.
5. Xerox and Printers have different uses and cannot be interchanged.
6. It’s highly dangerous to microwave green banana in a closed container.
I hope some of you could relate a few of these points dealt in the post in your managerial career. If so, try to take the appropriate corrective action and I guarantee that you will have a successful career as a Manager.
The reason for my authority in this subject is that these points have worked for me and certainly for many management folks in the software industry. In case it hasn’t worked for you kindly remember that there is always another company which matches your skills and you can opt for it. (Warning: Don’t tell me that I did not warn you before).
Ok folks, my team are waiting for me to do their performance appraisal for the assessment year 1941-42.
