I started lifting weights. But not for the reason you think. You think I want to look ''cut'' and ''ripped'' and have bulging muscles like the ones on male underwear models, who for some reason are always shown posing outdoors, looking sullen, as if a group of rats stole his pants.
I always wonder why the underwear ads have to be shot in the outdoors and worn by models whose collective muscle weight is larger than Jupiter’s mass. Is there a golden rule that the underwear models have those uncouth muscular looks? What about sane person like me who aspires to be an underwear model? Maybe if my looks were like a WWF wrestler, the girls would be saying “Wow!! Look at that macho man; I would like to working under his project team”, but your guess is wrong.
One, there are no girls in my company. Two, I am lifting weights for a valid and sensible medical reason, which I found while in conversation with the highest authority in medical science: yahoo chat room. After spending quiet an amount of time in internet chat I have come to the conclusion that its far better to consult the internet than a regular doctor. Look at the positives, one it’s far cheaper than a medical doctor, there are no waiting lines and those boring 1985 reader’s digest, of course the negatives would be you won’t be assisted by a smiling nurse. The internet now has the virtual nurses. So I have decided from now not to visit the doctor and consult from the internet itself.
I am very weak in remembering what I want to express, so S-L-A-P ... lets get back to weight lifting and other exercises. I found in the internet that when people become old (which is every 3 click and one double click), we loose our body immunization. This raised a big alarm in my brains, yes I have no immunization to begin with. Nevertheless the internet authority advocates that I assume I had some and then proceed to check the charts on where you stand.
Men, as fools as they can be, tend to sharpen their brains rather than their body. This in my case is very true. Take the classic example when one day my wife brings a big jar of pickles and tells me to open it. I make extreme facial expressions and displaying certain complex yoga positions while the jar refuses to give up. Finally with the help of a sledge hammer I broke open the can. From that moment I changed my thought process: I bought a can & bottle opener.
I am not that much of a person with physic, but it was the lazy fatty cells which made me look otherwise. After diligent research in the internet: you tube clippings, I came to the conclusion that women tend to look for body builders rather then software damagers like me. Doesn’t it look obvious that women want to see Salman remove his shirt and bash four guys rather than button up in a suit and address the United Nations Security council on reducing carbon footprint.
I am not hinting that this was the main reason for me to do weights but considering the risk of extra flab hanging around your waist the size of an anaconda was the one main point. I started as usual, with lots of enthusiasm and 20Kgs dumbbells and then later on advanced to fatigue and 10 milligrams of dumbbells. The strenuous exercise lasted precisely for 3 weeks in which I lost a lot of friends and my TV time but none of my body mass. For some strange reason, the fatty cell in my body due to it’s at most inertia refused to move from my stomach area and displays a lot of civil disobedience. This provoked me to stop weights and go back to plan B: watching you tube clips of Jane Fonda’s aerobic exercises.
Another main reason for me stopping the exercises was due to the health magazine reports. I presume that these health magazine reporters have no more brains than a turnip, all they do is to write crap items as health tips. In one page they would say tomatoes in your meal decreases the chances of liver failure and in 3 pages next to this article it would quote “A pinch of tomato in everyday meal increases 30% more chances of brain hemorrhage”.
Considering all these issue, I prefer to lie on my couch and watch cricket match and let the fatty cells in my liver take care of their own. Maybe by doing this I decrease the chances of getting laid-off from work since I don’t even step out of the couch to answer the phone from my boss.
PS: FAQ Question: Am I entitled for a severance package?
I always wonder why the underwear ads have to be shot in the outdoors and worn by models whose collective muscle weight is larger than Jupiter’s mass. Is there a golden rule that the underwear models have those uncouth muscular looks? What about sane person like me who aspires to be an underwear model? Maybe if my looks were like a WWF wrestler, the girls would be saying “Wow!! Look at that macho man; I would like to working under his project team”, but your guess is wrong.
One, there are no girls in my company. Two, I am lifting weights for a valid and sensible medical reason, which I found while in conversation with the highest authority in medical science: yahoo chat room. After spending quiet an amount of time in internet chat I have come to the conclusion that its far better to consult the internet than a regular doctor. Look at the positives, one it’s far cheaper than a medical doctor, there are no waiting lines and those boring 1985 reader’s digest, of course the negatives would be you won’t be assisted by a smiling nurse. The internet now has the virtual nurses. So I have decided from now not to visit the doctor and consult from the internet itself.
I am very weak in remembering what I want to express, so S-L-A-P ... lets get back to weight lifting and other exercises. I found in the internet that when people become old (which is every 3 click and one double click), we loose our body immunization. This raised a big alarm in my brains, yes I have no immunization to begin with. Nevertheless the internet authority advocates that I assume I had some and then proceed to check the charts on where you stand.
Men, as fools as they can be, tend to sharpen their brains rather than their body. This in my case is very true. Take the classic example when one day my wife brings a big jar of pickles and tells me to open it. I make extreme facial expressions and displaying certain complex yoga positions while the jar refuses to give up. Finally with the help of a sledge hammer I broke open the can. From that moment I changed my thought process: I bought a can & bottle opener.
I am not that much of a person with physic, but it was the lazy fatty cells which made me look otherwise. After diligent research in the internet: you tube clippings, I came to the conclusion that women tend to look for body builders rather then software damagers like me. Doesn’t it look obvious that women want to see Salman remove his shirt and bash four guys rather than button up in a suit and address the United Nations Security council on reducing carbon footprint.
I am not hinting that this was the main reason for me to do weights but considering the risk of extra flab hanging around your waist the size of an anaconda was the one main point. I started as usual, with lots of enthusiasm and 20Kgs dumbbells and then later on advanced to fatigue and 10 milligrams of dumbbells. The strenuous exercise lasted precisely for 3 weeks in which I lost a lot of friends and my TV time but none of my body mass. For some strange reason, the fatty cell in my body due to it’s at most inertia refused to move from my stomach area and displays a lot of civil disobedience. This provoked me to stop weights and go back to plan B: watching you tube clips of Jane Fonda’s aerobic exercises.
Another main reason for me stopping the exercises was due to the health magazine reports. I presume that these health magazine reporters have no more brains than a turnip, all they do is to write crap items as health tips. In one page they would say tomatoes in your meal decreases the chances of liver failure and in 3 pages next to this article it would quote “A pinch of tomato in everyday meal increases 30% more chances of brain hemorrhage”.
Considering all these issue, I prefer to lie on my couch and watch cricket match and let the fatty cells in my liver take care of their own. Maybe by doing this I decrease the chances of getting laid-off from work since I don’t even step out of the couch to answer the phone from my boss.
PS: FAQ Question: Am I entitled for a severance package?
