I have never felt like this before – yes I want to work in my office. No, frankly I am feeling like crushing my cell phone and throwing it on the next person who wants to call me. I wish I could go back to the olden days of sending messages via dove. I have an inherent hatred towards cell phones ever since it was invented. This is because it created a subject in my engineering and then has created a vertical in my office in which more than 400 dumb engineers work and has created millions of nincompoops who want to talk even when they are in ICU and couple of minutes from death.
I wish to know what is it that people want to communicate so urgently via a mobile phone. For me a mobile phone is a device which will be misplaced by me in 2 minutes after I receive a call. Then I have to loan my colleagues phone and hunt my device using the ringtone which I faintly remember. Mostly I will be able to locate the device either in the toilet or at the dustbin near my cubicle. Just to avoid this exercise I fail to carry one until my boss wanted me to. He wanted to locate me at any point of time since I, at majority of the time, will never be in my seat. The cell phone is actually an invention to spoil all the fun at work place.
I wish to know what is it that people want to communicate so urgently via a mobile phone. For me a mobile phone is a device which will be misplaced by me in 2 minutes after I receive a call. Then I have to loan my colleagues phone and hunt my device using the ringtone which I faintly remember. Mostly I will be able to locate the device either in the toilet or at the dustbin near my cubicle. Just to avoid this exercise I fail to carry one until my boss wanted me to. He wanted to locate me at any point of time since I, at majority of the time, will never be in my seat. The cell phone is actually an invention to spoil all the fun at work place.
Today’s smart phones have ability to do everything that you can. (Expect: Pricking your nose during the status meeting… pretty soon there will be an application in Apple iStore for it). The devices of today have many capabilities such as reading emails, power point file, excel work sheets, facebook, online gaming, surface to air missile launcher, helicopter maneuvering capabilities and much more. I am impressed by them all except that it doesn’t have what I am looking for – auto forwarding of unwanted calls such as wife, telemarketers etc.
This brings me back to the topic; my cell phone has only capabilities of receiving calls from either my wife or telemarketers. I can never receive any other calls. My hunch is that the service provider has leaked my number to the telemarketers. You are asking me why? They are trying to help me. They have found that I receive only calls from my wife and these calls always tend to be a monologue (Don’t laugh – I know it is the same there for you too) and so to keep my phone relatively busy so that I escape from my wife.
This is fine but these telemarketers are much more a pain that I feel its far better to be listening to my wife than these folks. Initially it will be great to listen to various sweet sounding female voices and nice information such as personal loans, exchange offer for cars, TV, company secrets, extra marital affair stories etc. During the course of time they tend to be monotonous and killing.
In the golden age of marketing which is roughly sometime in May 1984, the way they worked was that a well dressed guy with a laptop bag will come to your house knocking the door exactly when you are about to enter the bathroom with a fully loaded abdomen. You (being a moron) would want to display your hospitality will welcome him. Then he will utter 403 words per minute trying to explain that your house is extremely dirty and is not livable and that you need a vacuum cleaner and he has it ready and in an affordable price.
At this moment, the only capability of your brain is to evaluate the surface tension of your bladder and how long can you hold fort before the disaster. This leaves you with an option of out rightly reject whatever the salesperson wishes offer and get back to the bathroom as quickly as possible. Many seasoned marketing professional would be able to judge the situation based on your body movements and your facial reactions and move on to the next door.
Tragically, because of some of people like you “bad rotten apple'' the marketing firm has lost faith in the earlier model. So in an effort to restore their market numbers, today they have taken preventive care and are calling you rather than making an in-person visit. This is the actual birth of telemarketing, With so many technical advancements like SMS, LBMS (little bigger message service), spam mails, virus, Trojans, tracking cookies etc, the marketing firm have developed a method to track hold of you customers and nail them down.
In order to protect you, I have found from my own experiences certain ways of tackling them. For the benefit of all I am listing a few of them here:
1. If they are after some kind of a loan, tell them that you have filed for bankruptcy and the money they are lending will be of use in clearing existing liabilities.
2. Answer the phone, as soon as you realize that it’s a telemarketer keep the receiver down and shout “Oh My god, you had the guts to ask me this!!!” and bang the phone down.
3. If the person says he is XYZ calling from ABC limited, ask him to be very slow and spell his name first, then his company name, address, his age, his wife’s name, his relationship with his neighbours wife till the other party hangs up
4. Ask them to repeat everything around 4-5 times each, what you do understand?
5. Insist that the caller is your friend and you have found that he is trying to pull your legs.
6. Tell then to talk slowly so that you can write down every word of their plan and benefits.
7. Tell the telemarketer that you are on “House arrest” and they he brings you a bottle of beer + Chips along with the product.
8. Tell them that this is the commissionaire’s residence and that he is just stepped out for a walk.
9. Listen patiently and finally let the caller know that you are currently with his wife.
10. Say “YES” to all their questions and hang up fast.
I know you may have some doubts over these methods so I am answering a few even before you ask me.
Q. What is the use of telemarketing?
A. It is a good tool for time pass and playing pranks on your friends.
This brings me back to the topic; my cell phone has only capabilities of receiving calls from either my wife or telemarketers. I can never receive any other calls. My hunch is that the service provider has leaked my number to the telemarketers. You are asking me why? They are trying to help me. They have found that I receive only calls from my wife and these calls always tend to be a monologue (Don’t laugh – I know it is the same there for you too) and so to keep my phone relatively busy so that I escape from my wife.
This is fine but these telemarketers are much more a pain that I feel its far better to be listening to my wife than these folks. Initially it will be great to listen to various sweet sounding female voices and nice information such as personal loans, exchange offer for cars, TV, company secrets, extra marital affair stories etc. During the course of time they tend to be monotonous and killing.
In the golden age of marketing which is roughly sometime in May 1984, the way they worked was that a well dressed guy with a laptop bag will come to your house knocking the door exactly when you are about to enter the bathroom with a fully loaded abdomen. You (being a moron) would want to display your hospitality will welcome him. Then he will utter 403 words per minute trying to explain that your house is extremely dirty and is not livable and that you need a vacuum cleaner and he has it ready and in an affordable price.
At this moment, the only capability of your brain is to evaluate the surface tension of your bladder and how long can you hold fort before the disaster. This leaves you with an option of out rightly reject whatever the salesperson wishes offer and get back to the bathroom as quickly as possible. Many seasoned marketing professional would be able to judge the situation based on your body movements and your facial reactions and move on to the next door.
Tragically, because of some of people like you “bad rotten apple'' the marketing firm has lost faith in the earlier model. So in an effort to restore their market numbers, today they have taken preventive care and are calling you rather than making an in-person visit. This is the actual birth of telemarketing, With so many technical advancements like SMS, LBMS (little bigger message service), spam mails, virus, Trojans, tracking cookies etc, the marketing firm have developed a method to track hold of you customers and nail them down.
In order to protect you, I have found from my own experiences certain ways of tackling them. For the benefit of all I am listing a few of them here:
1. If they are after some kind of a loan, tell them that you have filed for bankruptcy and the money they are lending will be of use in clearing existing liabilities.
2. Answer the phone, as soon as you realize that it’s a telemarketer keep the receiver down and shout “Oh My god, you had the guts to ask me this!!!” and bang the phone down.
3. If the person says he is XYZ calling from ABC limited, ask him to be very slow and spell his name first, then his company name, address, his age, his wife’s name, his relationship with his neighbours wife till the other party hangs up
4. Ask them to repeat everything around 4-5 times each, what you do understand?
5. Insist that the caller is your friend and you have found that he is trying to pull your legs.
6. Tell then to talk slowly so that you can write down every word of their plan and benefits.
7. Tell the telemarketer that you are on “House arrest” and they he brings you a bottle of beer + Chips along with the product.
8. Tell them that this is the commissionaire’s residence and that he is just stepped out for a walk.
9. Listen patiently and finally let the caller know that you are currently with his wife.
10. Say “YES” to all their questions and hang up fast.
I know you may have some doubts over these methods so I am answering a few even before you ask me.
Q. What is the use of telemarketing?
A. It is a good tool for time pass and playing pranks on your friends.
Q. Where will these companies get this money?
A. From the purchases that fools like you make from them.
A. From the purchases that fools like you make from them.
Q. Is there a way to get the money back?
A. Yes, Only a pittance.
A. Yes, Only a pittance.
Q. How much?
A. The last call metered on your phone.
A. The last call metered on your phone.
Q. But isn't that ethically bad?
A. Shut up, you are only entitled to restricted questions.
A. Shut up, you are only entitled to restricted questions.
Q. The papers say there are sites to register to stop them from calling?
A. Those are only headlines in papers, in reality this is where they collect your numbers.
A. Those are only headlines in papers, in reality this is where they collect your numbers.
Q. OK, So what is good and bad for me in this prank?
A. The good news is that the you end up buying from insane product and the bad news is that the shipment never comes.
Enough about this – I am receiving a call from a Bank, no wait it’s for a Car loan, No, No, No, it’s a new number - it’s from my Bosses wife – “Oh My god, this can’t be true!!!”
A. The good news is that the you end up buying from insane product and the bad news is that the shipment never comes.
Enough about this – I am receiving a call from a Bank, no wait it’s for a Car loan, No, No, No, it’s a new number - it’s from my Bosses wife – “Oh My god, this can’t be true!!!”
