A Familiar Voice to Sleep For Ever : RJ Shastri

In a shocking press meet announcement today legendary pathetic cricketer RJ Shastri decided to quit Commentary and decides to start playing golf. If Navjoth Sidhu had his book of idioms and phrases, then RJ shastri had his own “Cliches”. In an illustrious and boring career spanning 20 years, shastri has spoilt a lot of gripping cricket matches with his monotonous monotone voice and repeated clichés.

The entire cricketing world is reeling under a state of shock due to this sudden turn of events. The ICC is currently convening an emergency meeting to address the void created by Shastri. There are many in the race currently such as Rameez Raja, Murali Kartik, L.Sivaramakrishnan who are quiet capable and have enough vocabulary to match Shastri.

Many fans of ESPN and STAR cricket are currently yet to get over the shocking announcement and they are quiet bewildered. The fans have always just tuned into the match to mainly MUTE shastri’s comments and they love his presentation party speech. The city of Bangalore has decided to host an evening of FREE beer to everyone who comes out of the house just to show their solidarity and faith in Shastri’s decision.

Shastri whose commentating career spans over 22 years which is equivalence of 88 years of boredom in the commentary media has some famous clichés which have been used to the maximum. Sunil Gavaskar who was the first to react upon hearing the news is now pondering on when he will decide to bite the bullet.

Shastri’s best friend Sidhu, Naser Hussia has all expressed grief over this decision and wish him the very best for his future endeavour. BCCI president N.Srinivasa has quoted “There has been no greater servant of BCCI…I mean Indian cricket, than Ravi Shastri. His self-endorsed, honest and unbiased opinions will be missed. To help him, we have decided to start an academy for commentating”.

As far as the fans are concerned, they shall be waiting for the next drone in the commentary box and until then they will always remember his clichés – “Make no mistake about it, this stage of the game is nicely poised.”

A Rare Video Footage Revealed, Means Vijaykanth is Alive

In a rare video footage which has currently, become viral on the internet of actor Vijaykanth has suddenly thrown the Tamil cinema fanatics into a horror spin, since it makes us believe that Vijaykanth is active and wanting to do more movies.

The rare video footage is a self-shot interview in which he is seeing trying to promote his film with daring one-liners about the Tamil Nadu government. With the actor virtually disappeared from the film scene since 2002 after his mega-hit movie “Ramana”, this video leads many to believe that he is alive and contemplating on a comeback movie.

The intelligence agencies are currently working overtime to verify the authenticity of the video footage. They are closely monitoring every frame of the video to ascertain if the person who is answering the interview is actually Mr.Vijaykanth. The agencies are withholding the final verdict until further conclusive evidence is reached.

Sources close to the agencies have quoted that it is very difficult to analyse if the person is Vijaykanth or a wooden puppet placed there. One of the agencies spokesperson replied “We think it is Mr. Vijaykanth when looking at the features of the person but we also think that it may be a wooden puppet.” The main problem is that the wooden puppet is actually more animated than the person.

The film society fraternity is also comparing the video footage of “Ramana” and the interview footage and they fear the worst. One of the investigators told newspersons “In fact, we have looked into the tape and the movie and now are contemplating whether the wooden puppet was actually one of the cast in the movie Ramana.”

So as a responsible citizen, I am warning you that Vijaykanth may be active and thinking about another venture in 2019. Beware folks; we already had “Thalaiva” maybe “Puratchi Thalaiva” is around the corner.