Sales Down For Vijay Sethupathy's New Movie Due to SMS Reviews

Vijay Sethupathy’s latest film idharkuthane aasaipattai balakumara (Hereafter known as IAB) has recorded a steep fall in tickets sales at counters and booking websites as soon as rumors of it being an intelligent film started doing rounds on internet. The booking window of the film opened with huge response and was going at full swing until the tragedy struck.

It all began with an SMS that started doing rounds saying that IAB is Vijay Sethupathy’s first attempt at thought provoking cinema with a powerful script that touches your soul. The SMS spread like a wildfire and contents of it also got circulated on social media, resulting in reversal of fortunes for the movie.

The producers of IAB have termed it a conspiracy and a cheap attempt by some jealous people to damage Vijay Sethupathy’s growing image thereby affecting the outcome of the film.

“How can people even believe that this movie would make sense? Haven’t they seen the trailers of IAB and haven’t they heard how many lives the trailer alone has claimed so far? Or do they watch trailers also leaving their brains behind?” asked an angry distributor.

Apart from producers and distributors, Vijay Sethupathy fans are also unhappy.

“After NKPK, Pizza, and Soodhukuavum, I had got my brains surgically removed so that I can enjoy IAB like a normal cine viewer. Now I just don’t recall where I have kept it. How irresponsible and heartless of Vijay to disappoint his fans and come out with a smart film like this. Now how on earth am I supposed to enjoy it without brains,” said a fan who has switched over his allegiance to Siva Karthikeyan with the hope that he won’t disappoint.

Meanwhile Vijay Sethupathy is trying to pacify his fans and asking them to not believe in rumors of IAB being a wonderfully scripted film and assured them of it being even shittier than all his previous films clubbed together.

“Moolai ellam vendaam, summa enjoy pannu idharkuthane aasaipattai balakumara,” the actor reassured his fans.

To make sure the damage is minimum, Vijay Sethupathy has requested SUN TV’s Top Ten Movies to watch IAB and review it and give it as poor rating as they can. As per sources, the producers have promised to take care of all medical expenses that would be required for the reviewer’s treatment thereafter.

He has further requested another critic magazine Anadha Vikatan to strictly stay away from reviewing this film lest they do some more damage by giving it a 4 stars rating.

Sania Mirza To Skip Second Rounds in All Tournaments

Veteran tennis star Sania Mirza has announced her skipping from Second round of any Grand slam. The decision was taken after she had an abysmal performance on the second round in Wimbledon this year as always, and not so great first round either at US Open 2013.

“The only time she wins beyond second round is when she plays with her dog,” said Rajesh Chander, a frustrated fan who also witnessed double faults by Sania on many important points.

Talking about the new rules of skipping, a senior AITA official said that it was aimed to provide flexibility to the players. He was confident that WTA will agree to the new rules as Chennai Open was just a few weeks away.

“This is a wonderful concept. We wish we had framed such rules earlier. Sania could have happily retired from the draw where World no.1-10 were operating and could have continued playing for singles tournaments and winning most of them” he wondered.

For a moment as emotional as this, Sania Mirza stayed composed throughout the press conference. Addressing the media, she, commonly known as Indian Tennis Diva, said, “I have informed the Selection Committee and the Tournament organisers. Ideally, I would have liked to play only the finals but that would mean putting too much pressure on other youngsters/players to handle.”

She praised the young talent pool of players that India was bestowed with, then deliberately mentioned Leander Peas and chuckled. Asked to name one promising grass court player, she struggled before he finally gave up and answered, “Milkha Singh?”

Indian tennis Fed cup team captain Enrico Piperno was also present during the conference. Piperno said that Sania was going through a recovery phase after lifting he arms repeatedly during her second serves. Piperno, however, acknowledged that the skipping decision was a great loss to the tournaments and Nach Baliye.

“For a tennis star, the ability to not win beyond the second round even on Indian courts is a skill in itself and Sania has done it consistently over the years,” he further added.

Speaking to SomeTV News, Leander Peas, the alleged mentor for Sania refused to comment on his role behind Sania’s decision. “I have done nothing!” were the exact words he said without even the slightest change of expression.

While tennis stars all over the world have expressed shock over Sania’s decision, Sania said that next she would retire from Singles permanently and continue playing as a doubles specialist. As our reporter noticed, Leander Paas’s expression still remained unchanged.

As I write, Ishanth Sharma has retired from bowling in death overs and Sehwag has announced retirement from opening the innings in the first power play.

In a bizarre coincidence, the progress report on UPA government’s completion of nine years in office and the Indian team’s performance in Fed Cup are identical and no one would be able to spot any differences with these 2 reports.
 
This news has got Arnab Goswamy irritated in his channel documentary “Frankly Shouting”. He demands "The nation needs to know" why.