Juice juice everywhere not a drop to Drink

Juice was invented in prehistoric times, when a primitive tribe had a lucky accident. The tribe had plucked a fruit and was going to eat it raw, when a tribe member named Wang tripped and sat on it splashing tons of liquid. At first, the other tribe members were angry at Wang, but then, as the aroma of the fruit filled the air, they had an idea. So they ate Wang raw.

No, this was the first evidence of fruit juices in modern human history. Madras (known as Chennai is some parts) whose climate is always hot, hotter or hottest is the ideal place for marketing juices. Since this fact is very evident Chennai now has juice shops once every 3 feet of potholes. With this kind of supply, the consumer is obviously confused (just like you) and so decides against going to a shop. He has a better idea to make-it-yourself.. Preparing juices can be hazardous and so as a precaution it is always advisable never to prepare them without wearing a welding mask.

The next thing is that the combination of fruit juices which you prepare has to be appropriate for the individuals who will be consuming it.

For example, you don’t need to prepare anything elaborate with ice, sugar, lemon syrup for your dog. Basically dogs will eat anything that is served. This is the main reason why even today Pedigree is still the No.1 brand for dogs and not a dosai from Saravana Bhavan.

Just like the dogs, the case is very similar to guys. They never care for what is served as long as there is something inside the glass for them to drink. If you are not preparing for guys or dogs, then you may need to consult some expert magazine such as Femina or Women’s World for some elaborate and time consuming procedures. I presume that those who really create these recipes are already on high-spirits and start making up words such as “Fenels”, “Butter fruit”, “Passion seeds” etc. These words are always imaginary and even as you read these words, there is a harmless husband somewhere in search of these ingredients at a supermarket. (Source: AHHA – Anonymous Harmless Husbands Association)

So the only way to quench your thirst is to go out to a parlour and have them. As mentioned above, even the ordering varies with the each person but for guys and dogs it’s the same. Both of them don’t care on what is being served, example you could easily pass a glass of toilet dispenser in pink colour and they will consume it in 7 seconds flat and compliment you for giving them the best drink of their lives. The feminine side has a lot of complications in ordering the stuff unlike the above.

The feminine species are very choosy by nature that is why when they order normally the bar attendant could consider resigning and running to Namibia for a job as a lion trainer. They start ordering a juice say for example “Funky Orange” which normally contains Oranges and some funky ingredient like the attendant’s sweat. When the bartender starts to walk back they would say make it without ice, without water and adding less of methyl alcohol. He notes them and starts to walk back a bit faster when she shouts, make the juice a “Passion Strawberry” with the same conditions. This iteration of changing the fruits and conditions carries on for 47 million times, by which the situation reaches were the bartender is seriously considering suicide. The husband is serious contemplating on shooting the wife. (What men think never works: Source: AHHA)

This is why you will find somewhere in the world, there is a lion trainer going to Namibia every 5 seconds and there is also a female shouting out her order which is still to be finalised. Precisely to the point, to be a good husband we have to know how to prepare the correct kind of juice for your partner. For those who are new to this, you will refer the magazines which are not suitable for the “Real World”. So, follow my steps (time proven) to adapt to the situation.

For example if the ingredient is “fermented butter seeds” (which is totally imaginary in my opinion), the substitute can be found by the following steps:
1. Look around the kitchen for a knife and kill your self (Oops sorry wrong situation)
2. Look for a Glucon-D pack
3. Mix it with water and hashish
4. Throw the cover to the dog.

With these little ingenuities, you can achieve great results within your kitchen thereby saving the lives of many juice shop attendants. By the time I finish this blog I know for sure that words of your culinary skills would have spread like wild-fire and many to-be-husbands will flock your doors. My advice to them is that they bring some “Coke & Chips” with them for backup.