Aries (Mar21-Apr19)
Your moon is now in the house of Murugan Idly Shop and is expected to remain there for some time since two waitresses calling in sick and a third vacationing in Hawaii. The A.M. is very good time to take advantage of fools. However, seek the advice of an expert before attempting plastic surgery on yourself or someone you love.
Taurus (Apr20-May20)
Due to a slight imbalance in the tides, there is some confusion among the stars as to whether or not you really exist. This question will quickly resolved just as soon as someone makes an attempt to pick up your laundry. Rash decisions could prove very harmful today, so exercise great caution while eating. The lucky stone for you, at present, is Black granite
Gemini (May21-Jun21)
This is a day to be careful with your check book and credit cards. Keep a close eye on garbage bins, since someone is inclined to throw something extravagant. Check out cute little boutique-shops nearby your friend's workplace for a visit. The evening is excellent times for you to get together with persons whose idea are similar to your own unless of course, you are a real moron. Looking at the stars, one is bound say that you are a Moron always.
Cancer (Jun22-July20)
Make detailed plans for social activities you may wish to engage later in the day. Then, later in the day, make detailed plans for social activities you may wish to engage for tomorrow. Repeat this routine faithfully throughout the remainder of the calendar year and you can easily avoid any kind of real work. Your stars point towards good prosperity in your chosen profession.
Leo (July21-Aug22)
What was believed to have been the main star guiding your life now appears to be nothing more than an enormous chunk of degenerated garbage still floating around the atmosphere. This means any advice you’re ever read in this or any other horoscope is wrong. We apologise for any inconvenience suffered by your neighbour's at your cost.
Virgo (Aug23-Sept22)
An inner restriction is lifted. You'll have a new sense of freedom, which may cause you to move in with your neighbour’s wife. You'll be contemplating changes in your wife’s life-style. Today's news will rattle some skeletons in the family closet if lips have been loose as always. A view from the sun suggests that you stay away from fried items for a while.
Libra (Sept23-Oct23)
The main star influencing your fate has moved – leaving behind a flock of unpaid phone bills, and no forwarding galaxy address. Until such time myself at Horoscope Central can locate the Missing Star, you’re on your own. Best of luck with what you can only be described as a very bleak and altogether loathsome situation. No prediction this month will come correctly for you.
Scorpio (Oct24-Nov21)
You'll feel inspired at your job today by your 120% original thinking. Later you find that your thinking was totally skewed. There's a happy emphasis on courtship. Tonight, however, may bring conflict with you aunt’s cat. Recharge your batteries for a safe weekend.
Sagittarius (Nov22-Dec21)
Spend some time with financial record-keeping today. Members of the family will feel especially close since its payday. Your best bet is to hoard raw metals such as Cement, Mortar and also Bicycle vault tubes for future finance requirements. Sunday is the best day for you to skip work.
Capricorn (Dec22-Jan19)
Your cusp has broken into the house of Leo while Leo was on online, and has made off with a portable TV, a can opener and still-undetermined amount of cash. It would be improper for you to contact the proper authorities and vice-versa. Avoid legal crimes, firing squads and parliamentary elections. Make sure your left half of the brain is not hurt.
Aquarius (Jan19-Feb20)
A long and trusted friend may be in a bit of a testy mood today, so make allowances for a punch in the mouth or just some scathing verbal abuse. No new apart from this will develop during this month. Your old Problems are more than enough to sustain throughout this month.
Pisces (Feb21-Mar20)
You are the last of the zodiac signs and this is certainly not by accident. You have relatively few, if any, friends; you are widely disturbed; and your bad taste in dress appeal only to people’s who lack any socially redeeming values. Start drinking so that many of the down and out breweries pick up their share while you enjoy drinking.
Your moon is now in the house of Murugan Idly Shop and is expected to remain there for some time since two waitresses calling in sick and a third vacationing in Hawaii. The A.M. is very good time to take advantage of fools. However, seek the advice of an expert before attempting plastic surgery on yourself or someone you love.
Taurus (Apr20-May20)
Due to a slight imbalance in the tides, there is some confusion among the stars as to whether or not you really exist. This question will quickly resolved just as soon as someone makes an attempt to pick up your laundry. Rash decisions could prove very harmful today, so exercise great caution while eating. The lucky stone for you, at present, is Black granite
Gemini (May21-Jun21)
This is a day to be careful with your check book and credit cards. Keep a close eye on garbage bins, since someone is inclined to throw something extravagant. Check out cute little boutique-shops nearby your friend's workplace for a visit. The evening is excellent times for you to get together with persons whose idea are similar to your own unless of course, you are a real moron. Looking at the stars, one is bound say that you are a Moron always.
Cancer (Jun22-July20)
Make detailed plans for social activities you may wish to engage later in the day. Then, later in the day, make detailed plans for social activities you may wish to engage for tomorrow. Repeat this routine faithfully throughout the remainder of the calendar year and you can easily avoid any kind of real work. Your stars point towards good prosperity in your chosen profession.
Leo (July21-Aug22)
What was believed to have been the main star guiding your life now appears to be nothing more than an enormous chunk of degenerated garbage still floating around the atmosphere. This means any advice you’re ever read in this or any other horoscope is wrong. We apologise for any inconvenience suffered by your neighbour's at your cost.
Virgo (Aug23-Sept22)
An inner restriction is lifted. You'll have a new sense of freedom, which may cause you to move in with your neighbour’s wife. You'll be contemplating changes in your wife’s life-style. Today's news will rattle some skeletons in the family closet if lips have been loose as always. A view from the sun suggests that you stay away from fried items for a while.
Libra (Sept23-Oct23)
The main star influencing your fate has moved – leaving behind a flock of unpaid phone bills, and no forwarding galaxy address. Until such time myself at Horoscope Central can locate the Missing Star, you’re on your own. Best of luck with what you can only be described as a very bleak and altogether loathsome situation. No prediction this month will come correctly for you.
Scorpio (Oct24-Nov21)
You'll feel inspired at your job today by your 120% original thinking. Later you find that your thinking was totally skewed. There's a happy emphasis on courtship. Tonight, however, may bring conflict with you aunt’s cat. Recharge your batteries for a safe weekend.
Sagittarius (Nov22-Dec21)
Spend some time with financial record-keeping today. Members of the family will feel especially close since its payday. Your best bet is to hoard raw metals such as Cement, Mortar and also Bicycle vault tubes for future finance requirements. Sunday is the best day for you to skip work.
Capricorn (Dec22-Jan19)
Your cusp has broken into the house of Leo while Leo was on online, and has made off with a portable TV, a can opener and still-undetermined amount of cash. It would be improper for you to contact the proper authorities and vice-versa. Avoid legal crimes, firing squads and parliamentary elections. Make sure your left half of the brain is not hurt.
Aquarius (Jan19-Feb20)
A long and trusted friend may be in a bit of a testy mood today, so make allowances for a punch in the mouth or just some scathing verbal abuse. No new apart from this will develop during this month. Your old Problems are more than enough to sustain throughout this month.
Pisces (Feb21-Mar20)
You are the last of the zodiac signs and this is certainly not by accident. You have relatively few, if any, friends; you are widely disturbed; and your bad taste in dress appeal only to people’s who lack any socially redeeming values. Start drinking so that many of the down and out breweries pick up their share while you enjoy drinking.
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