[NOTE: This was the situation during 1999-2000, any resemblance in today's world is purely co-incidental although the plots of the movies still remain the same]
There's a famous quote: "One who breaks a resolution is a monkey and one who makes a resolution is a foolish monkey." Last week, when I saw a new Tamil movie I came to know that 99% per cent of our problems are self-made by going to lousy movies and is not thrust upon by God. So I resolved not to see any more movies until next weekend or Friday whichever comes first.
This week I went (without breaking the resolution) to a movie titled which I can't remember but was the first line of a song that was a hit 4 days back on SUN TV Top 10 chart. Couldn't I ask for a better deal on a Friday evening and having to drive around 25 miles to get there to the theater? Anyway the ride was quiet thrilling since we had broken roughly 168 rules in around 143 countries (but none on Indian road context) to get there on-time.
We reached quiet early considering the fact that the show had already started and we missed the first few slides that shows how a guy should watch a movie properly. Many thought provoking slides would be there such as "Call us - Kiran Patel & Co for any grievances with the LAPD" and "Thanks for not smoking into my Nose" and "Park anywhere except at Seat No.12" and "Meeta PAAN available for chewing and Spitting anywhere in the complex". These are a few that really add a flavour to the movie.
Finding parking slots for the car is so tough that actually we could get a weekend holiday at Martha Vineyard but never a parking slot at any Indian theater complex. Thank god that we don’t have those 1,04,677 instruction given by the parking lot assistants on the angle which we park our cars at Devi theater (In US this area could only hold 20 cars while it holds 4,578 Maruthi 800s). Seating numbers are not there and hence it’s on a First-Come-First-Severed basis. We have never been early because my roommate for whom the famous quote: "Be punctual and get good seats in the theater" is never applicable. We always find ourselves in the first row watching the movies 3.142 (22/7) times bigger than what the last row guy is able to view.
Entering the theater after a 30-min American Gladiator's show for locating a parking slot, the second game begins. The WWF style called the "World-Wide-Fight" for getting a chance to enter the complex on the day the show is screened. It’s not often that you call something as co-incidence when it’s been repeated for 235 times within 45 days. The complex authorities inconspicuously shut all the doors and allow just a small gap through which moviegoers for 5 shows have to get in exactly within 5 minutes time interval. This in mathematical terms relates to CHAOS and in normal terms "Survival of the Fittest". I am always lucky since my friends are really huge and bulky that I flow along with their performance of the "Push the crowd for gap" play.
Since the time of the Neanderthals, man has been trying to find easy ways of locating seats in the theater. Take for example, Locatiuos Impendimentix (the greatest spectator at the coliseum) never in his 25 years experience as a spectator, has found his seat at the first go. It was perhaps for this reason that the English men invented the compass and now with G-Shock watches that carry a compass, we still shall figure out how to remain from getting lost while searching for a seat.
Guess that GOD, just to keep those late comers on their toes always, created the theater seats without numbers. The major agony is in you finding a seat that is exactly at the opposite end of the complex and getting there you find a 2 year old or a 4 feet fellow occupying the seat. Even more agonising is if the occupant is sleeping.
OK, let’s come back to the movie by assuming you follow my method of getting a seat
1. Walk into the center and shout "Asha! Are you there"? An answer yes would come, even if she weren't Asha.
2. Move towards that direction, and tell her that her Grandfather has just called her at the reception.
3. Take the seat and put on the partial amnesia look on the face.
If this method does not work, follow the fail-safe way; go to the first row which for all purpose is free at anytime of the day.
How can one forget not to mention about the chairs in the theater, even though it may be the US of A. An Indian theater has to maintain the same ambiance and authenticity of a local complex. The chairs shall be painstakingly decorated (No, wait for me to complete - not upholstery) with many key scratches with braining chilling phrases such as "I love Lucy" or "I love [Your wife's name]" or "&$*(%))^**$^#" (Roughly translated into English means some un-lady words). Well, any movie that you see in these complexes makes you feel like you are watching "The Hand that Rocked the Cradle". If the person on one of the extremes were to shake their pelvic girdle a little, the whole row moves in the same fashion like a Mexican Wave at the Eden garden cricket ground.
I really don’t want to touch on the story of the movie. You know that its always a Boy meet Girl and boy fall in love with her and in the second half the families don’t agree and finally LOVE wins and the couple lives happily ever after. The only difference is that the characters are changed for every other movie. Although I have tired every bit of what the hero does in the movies but I still haven't found one girl. The only thing that I got was few finger marks on my cheeks.
Let us get back to the finesse points for watching a movie better. In case you do whistle, its better you sit separately since many people come to the movie to actually see it with full attention as though the second world war is rewritten with the Vikings winning over the Nottinghamshire county sheriff. Then, there are those who wished somebody would whistle so that they could vent their anger (due to his wife) at somebody else. Finally, there is only one fellow, probably the guy with whom you came, to accompany you in this act. At this point, I understand you make a very serious decision in your life, whether to whistle at the movie or the guy whose wife was angry the previous hour. My guess which way you would go using my past experiences (of fingers on the cheeks) would be to remain silent.
Albeit, the complex is said to be nicotine free, the songs are the moments when one eases their tension and go out for a drag … Oops sorry that’s in Indian theaters only. Here, they go to a small cabin in which even trying to get a small container of condensed milk is quiet tough, but you have to be there inside to smoke. Nevertheless you can spit anywhere since they showed you a slide in the beginning of the movie.
This vicious circle between the smokers and the producers in the late 1800s produced what in today's terms called "A SONG". It's also mandatory for the producers to keep the song just around 5 min, no more or no less. This was due to the results of some scientific experiments conducted at Pokhran during the nuclear development program.
The second time when you feel that any number more than 2 is called a crowd is found just when the credits for the movie are screened in the end. It’s the same people who stood 45 min at the counter for tickets and see a lousy movie for 2.5 hours and still can't afford to wait for 15 min to let all the people outside without chaos. Since early time, when Romans built the first talkies, it's been like this. This is evident from the fact while looking at one of the stone tabloids in which it states that "Please leave one by one - Last time the death count was MC IV XCI III".
So it's not new for the latest man to do these types of chaos. One small hint, never follow somebody who is twice as big as you since you can't see what peril that is waiting in front of you. There is a very high probability that he may stamp your feet with a leg that weighs the same as those anchors used in SS Titanic.
PS: Don’t stamp on his girl’s feet else you will be embossed with 5 finger imprints on your cheeks.
This week I went (without breaking the resolution) to a movie titled which I can't remember but was the first line of a song that was a hit 4 days back on SUN TV Top 10 chart. Couldn't I ask for a better deal on a Friday evening and having to drive around 25 miles to get there to the theater? Anyway the ride was quiet thrilling since we had broken roughly 168 rules in around 143 countries (but none on Indian road context) to get there on-time.
We reached quiet early considering the fact that the show had already started and we missed the first few slides that shows how a guy should watch a movie properly. Many thought provoking slides would be there such as "Call us - Kiran Patel & Co for any grievances with the LAPD" and "Thanks for not smoking into my Nose" and "Park anywhere except at Seat No.12" and "Meeta PAAN available for chewing and Spitting anywhere in the complex". These are a few that really add a flavour to the movie.
Finding parking slots for the car is so tough that actually we could get a weekend holiday at Martha Vineyard but never a parking slot at any Indian theater complex. Thank god that we don’t have those 1,04,677 instruction given by the parking lot assistants on the angle which we park our cars at Devi theater (In US this area could only hold 20 cars while it holds 4,578 Maruthi 800s). Seating numbers are not there and hence it’s on a First-Come-First-Severed basis. We have never been early because my roommate for whom the famous quote: "Be punctual and get good seats in the theater" is never applicable. We always find ourselves in the first row watching the movies 3.142 (22/7) times bigger than what the last row guy is able to view.
Entering the theater after a 30-min American Gladiator's show for locating a parking slot, the second game begins. The WWF style called the "World-Wide-Fight" for getting a chance to enter the complex on the day the show is screened. It’s not often that you call something as co-incidence when it’s been repeated for 235 times within 45 days. The complex authorities inconspicuously shut all the doors and allow just a small gap through which moviegoers for 5 shows have to get in exactly within 5 minutes time interval. This in mathematical terms relates to CHAOS and in normal terms "Survival of the Fittest". I am always lucky since my friends are really huge and bulky that I flow along with their performance of the "Push the crowd for gap" play.
Since the time of the Neanderthals, man has been trying to find easy ways of locating seats in the theater. Take for example, Locatiuos Impendimentix (the greatest spectator at the coliseum) never in his 25 years experience as a spectator, has found his seat at the first go. It was perhaps for this reason that the English men invented the compass and now with G-Shock watches that carry a compass, we still shall figure out how to remain from getting lost while searching for a seat.
Guess that GOD, just to keep those late comers on their toes always, created the theater seats without numbers. The major agony is in you finding a seat that is exactly at the opposite end of the complex and getting there you find a 2 year old or a 4 feet fellow occupying the seat. Even more agonising is if the occupant is sleeping.
OK, let’s come back to the movie by assuming you follow my method of getting a seat
1. Walk into the center and shout "Asha! Are you there"? An answer yes would come, even if she weren't Asha.
2. Move towards that direction, and tell her that her Grandfather has just called her at the reception.
3. Take the seat and put on the partial amnesia look on the face.
If this method does not work, follow the fail-safe way; go to the first row which for all purpose is free at anytime of the day.
How can one forget not to mention about the chairs in the theater, even though it may be the US of A. An Indian theater has to maintain the same ambiance and authenticity of a local complex. The chairs shall be painstakingly decorated (No, wait for me to complete - not upholstery) with many key scratches with braining chilling phrases such as "I love Lucy" or "I love [Your wife's name]
I really don’t want to touch on the story of the movie. You know that its always a Boy meet Girl and boy fall in love with her and in the second half the families don’t agree and finally LOVE wins and the couple lives happily ever after. The only difference is that the characters are changed for every other movie. Although I have tired every bit of what the hero does in the movies but I still haven't found one girl. The only thing that I got was few finger marks on my cheeks.
Let us get back to the finesse points for watching a movie better. In case you do whistle, its better you sit separately since many people come to the movie to actually see it with full attention as though the second world war is rewritten with the Vikings winning over the Nottinghamshire county sheriff. Then, there are those who wished somebody would whistle so that they could vent their anger (due to his wife) at somebody else. Finally, there is only one fellow, probably the guy with whom you came, to accompany you in this act. At this point, I understand you make a very serious decision in your life, whether to whistle at the movie or the guy whose wife was angry the previous hour. My guess which way you would go using my past experiences (of fingers on the cheeks) would be to remain silent.
Albeit, the complex is said to be nicotine free, the songs are the moments when one eases their tension and go out for a drag … Oops sorry that’s in Indian theaters only. Here, they go to a small cabin in which even trying to get a small container of condensed milk is quiet tough, but you have to be there inside to smoke. Nevertheless you can spit anywhere since they showed you a slide in the beginning of the movie.
This vicious circle between the smokers and the producers in the late 1800s produced what in today's terms called "A SONG". It's also mandatory for the producers to keep the song just around 5 min, no more or no less. This was due to the results of some scientific experiments conducted at Pokhran during the nuclear development program.
The second time when you feel that any number more than 2 is called a crowd is found just when the credits for the movie are screened in the end. It’s the same people who stood 45 min at the counter for tickets and see a lousy movie for 2.5 hours and still can't afford to wait for 15 min to let all the people outside without chaos. Since early time, when Romans built the first talkies, it's been like this. This is evident from the fact while looking at one of the stone tabloids in which it states that "Please leave one by one - Last time the death count was MC IV XCI III".
So it's not new for the latest man to do these types of chaos. One small hint, never follow somebody who is twice as big as you since you can't see what peril that is waiting in front of you. There is a very high probability that he may stamp your feet with a leg that weighs the same as those anchors used in SS Titanic.
PS: Don’t stamp on his girl’s feet else you will be embossed with 5 finger imprints on your cheeks.
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