Saturday, March 4, 2017

In The Battle Of Wits With Electronic devices, I Loose

Recently there have been many articles explaining the latest trend in electronic devices - namely how appliance manufacturers are planning to drive consumers insane.

Of course they do not say it openly in that way but what they are meaning to say is that they are planning to have all the appliances in your home (that's correct, the place where you live) connect to the internet and share information. In short this is called the Internet of Things or IoT in the long form.

What does it mean for an ordinary consumer is that going forward all the appliances are going to be smarter than you. For example, you would have a home where the washing machine "can be turned on from the office" and the refrigerator "knows when you are out of milk" and sends an SMS to the milkman while your bathroom shower would be transmitting (S-L-A-P dirty mind, not the pictures) your weight directly to the gym instructors.

I frankly am very sure that all the manufacturers, with all due respect to their IQ, have been smoking pot. Why would a consumer to load all the dirty clothes in his washing machine and then leave to the office to start it? Would there be any kind of career benefit that I am missing out?

Your Boss: So what are you doing now?
You: (swiping with your index finger on the phone) I'm starting my washing machine.
Your Boss: That's the sort of productivity and commitment that I want around here.

After 15 minutes when he comes back
Your Boss: Now what are you up to?
You: Flushing the toilet sir.
Your Boss: Meet me at my cabin before going home,

If this is not enough, the automobile manufacturers have woken up from their deep slumber and have joined the race. Now you can do the same things from your car. For example: while you are stuck in the traffic jam over Silk Board junction in the evening, you can start your washing machine, when you reach Forum signal (roughly 2 hours 7 minutes later) you can start boiling the milk sitting in the microwave oven.


Although it looks practical and sane, I want to place a humble request to the manufacturers. I don't want the appliances that communicate via the internet and but make them no to leak, break down every 5 days, requires 14 button presses before able to start it etc. If you are very insistent on making improvements then I would like to have a sensor shout when you have loaded the washing machine "START THE CYCLE NOW OR I'LL START LEAKING AFTER YOU LEAVE TO OFFICE"

Likewise, I do not want to own a refrigerator that knows when we are out of milk supply. We already have this kind of system since 1700s. We have this fool proof system of determining if we are out of any supply. We get shouting orders from the WIFE. Also I am not sure if any person would buy a fridge which refuses to open since you have had 4 scoops of Banana Walnut ice creams.

As far to the bathroom shower I would ask it only one thing - Are you nuts? I do not want to even transmit the weight to my own eyes, why would I want the fit-bands, bathroom scales to transmit these confidential data to the gym which I last visited sometime during the end of Second World War. Imagine this scenario if the bathroom scale sent this data to the fridge or the microwave then I would never be able to open either one of these appliances. Worst case scenario, if this data is sent to all your nearby houses - really scared correct.

I am sick of all these appliances which have sprouted in the last 5 years claiming to be smarter and have ruined our lives. The fitness band is one which tops the charts - it sends these data to your Google drive while you are asleep. This data gets reflected in all the e-commerce site which you visit and then this data will be hacked by some 12 year old juvenile kid in Israel. It then makes it to Breaking News in twitter and whats-app and finally lands back into your wife's phone as a FWD message. Do we want this to happen?

Finally let me come to the home entertainment systems - it’s been a real concern for me just to operate it. I recently bought a fully loaded featured TV set which has a remote that has 124 keys out of which I hardly use 4 buttons in which one of them is the RED button. I don't know how to use all the features of this smart TV. If I want to watch a crappy TV program I have to manage THREE remotes - one with the TV (144 buttons), one for the sound system (42 buttons) and the third (37 buttons) given by the cable set-top box guy, who apparently felt that I was short of buttons.

In order  to watch a TV program I have to manipulate around 120 keys (MIN) with helpful button names such as PIP, MTS, DSS, XVID, F5, HELP, JUMP, AIM, SHOOT, BLANK. After randomly pressing combination of buttons I search for the POWER button and press that. I feel completely relaxed. Now-a-days I stand in front of the blank TV for 20 minutes thinking of the program I want to watch and leave the room. That's how smart my TV has become - just like my kids.

Speaking of kids, they absolutely know the way to work out with these remotes and have been watching the cartoon channels for the 11 straight days without a break. So if this is the kind of smart appliances which we want to live with? Of course not - your appliances (and if possible your wife too) needs to be DUMBER than you. I am urging all of you to let the consumer appliance manufacturers know by phone, email, whatsapp, Facebook, twitter that you are going to vote NO for such devices in future.

Please act fast since your fridge and the car have already voted with a YES and the toilet flush would be sending its vote anytime now. [Source: your next door microwave oven]


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