Have you ever wondered how the government is working for you, take for example the driving license department. They work so much that enable you to get a driving license within 23 years from the date of application. Some times you may get them even posthumously if lucky. This brings us to the conclusion that the government offices do work in-between their schedule at the cafeterias. In the beginning people were used to thinking that government offices were meant to help the general public but after correct ad campaigns and work culture demonstrated by apt politicians and administrators, today we understand that we are totally wrong.
Let us take an active example in daily life – Movies which portrays the hero as macho man who always smokes cigar while the villains try to outdo the hero in smoking. The only thing that defies Newton’s Law of gravitation is the cigars. Our hero will throw the cigar up in the sky and then finish a whole battle with 15 people, while the cigar takes a trip to the stratosphere and encounters few nimbus clouds on the way down. Just when the cigar plans to hit the ground, the hero fires a missile and the cigar gets ignited and docks with the hero’s mouth. This is how the movies have portrayed since the battle of Plessey.
So the government found that cigars were a really good way of earning money and they started to float a lot of advertisements of tobacco companies. This irritates a few social activists (Motto: Always oppose what the teenaged public wants) who file cases and try to block the advertisements but these never stopped the tobacco companies from airing the ads and increasing their market share. So the children grew up with the concept that smoking and bashing 15 people was a sure way to enjoy their afternoon. This went on for a decade after which the courts advised the tobacco companies to carry a statutory warning which was framed by the medical council and it went like this “The Medical Council advices the bearer of this cigarette that it is not suitable to smoke on top of a moving bus or on the face of a heavy weight wrestler.”
The medical association was entrusted to run sample tests on cigar and their effects and this meant that the medical doctors who were till then busy reading film magazines got together and started to order fresh loads of rats. Rats for the best samples to test according to medical associations and after mammoth testing, the medical association found that rats which smoked cigars really had an enjoyable living when compared to the teetotaler rats. This made the medical association to sit up and review the situation, after a brief review they ordered more rats so that they plan complete their analysis.
The activists were not happy with the wordings or the analysis conducted and so they continue dialogues lasting for more than 360 hours for each session until they reached a conclusion. Let’s make the warning a bit small. During this dialogue the government wakes up and bans airing of any tobacco related ad campaigns. This resulted in a loss to the tobacco manufactures who were irritated and started to sponsor the national cricket matches. Although this doesn’t help the national team to win much matches but the sponsors get to display their logos on whatever area which are captured by the TV crew. Now the government again wakes up and puts more stringent measures for tobacco companies such as that they can only sponsor for 3 events in a year.
You must be wondering (trust me, you are wondering now) why the government is not trying to stop tobacco manufacturers from selling cigars in the open market. Yes they are afraid of loosing the money and more so if the government bans tobacco, then the tobacco manufacturers will try other options such as marijuana or cocaine which will yield for more than the GDP of certain countries. So to safeguard the vulnerable citizens of this land, the government tries to keep the tobacco industry going by subsidizing fertilizers for growing tobacco and also make stringent warning messages on the cigar packets. This keeps the government coffers full and keeps the incompetent social activists happy also.
I am really thankful for the government since I can live in peace knowing that my children are all growing up with the knowledge that cigar kills a few lung cells in our body and mostly in laboratory rats. Not only are there warnings for cigars or movie clips when someone smokes but for everything that the common man has access to. I really salute the government for making my son know that Coke and Pepsi are really a nice alternative for toilet cleansers, all these are due to the fact that the Government works for us.
Let us take an active example in daily life – Movies which portrays the hero as macho man who always smokes cigar while the villains try to outdo the hero in smoking. The only thing that defies Newton’s Law of gravitation is the cigars. Our hero will throw the cigar up in the sky and then finish a whole battle with 15 people, while the cigar takes a trip to the stratosphere and encounters few nimbus clouds on the way down. Just when the cigar plans to hit the ground, the hero fires a missile and the cigar gets ignited and docks with the hero’s mouth. This is how the movies have portrayed since the battle of Plessey.
So the government found that cigars were a really good way of earning money and they started to float a lot of advertisements of tobacco companies. This irritates a few social activists (Motto: Always oppose what the teenaged public wants) who file cases and try to block the advertisements but these never stopped the tobacco companies from airing the ads and increasing their market share. So the children grew up with the concept that smoking and bashing 15 people was a sure way to enjoy their afternoon. This went on for a decade after which the courts advised the tobacco companies to carry a statutory warning which was framed by the medical council and it went like this “The Medical Council advices the bearer of this cigarette that it is not suitable to smoke on top of a moving bus or on the face of a heavy weight wrestler.”
The medical association was entrusted to run sample tests on cigar and their effects and this meant that the medical doctors who were till then busy reading film magazines got together and started to order fresh loads of rats. Rats for the best samples to test according to medical associations and after mammoth testing, the medical association found that rats which smoked cigars really had an enjoyable living when compared to the teetotaler rats. This made the medical association to sit up and review the situation, after a brief review they ordered more rats so that they plan complete their analysis.
The activists were not happy with the wordings or the analysis conducted and so they continue dialogues lasting for more than 360 hours for each session until they reached a conclusion. Let’s make the warning a bit small. During this dialogue the government wakes up and bans airing of any tobacco related ad campaigns. This resulted in a loss to the tobacco manufactures who were irritated and started to sponsor the national cricket matches. Although this doesn’t help the national team to win much matches but the sponsors get to display their logos on whatever area which are captured by the TV crew. Now the government again wakes up and puts more stringent measures for tobacco companies such as that they can only sponsor for 3 events in a year.
You must be wondering (trust me, you are wondering now) why the government is not trying to stop tobacco manufacturers from selling cigars in the open market. Yes they are afraid of loosing the money and more so if the government bans tobacco, then the tobacco manufacturers will try other options such as marijuana or cocaine which will yield for more than the GDP of certain countries. So to safeguard the vulnerable citizens of this land, the government tries to keep the tobacco industry going by subsidizing fertilizers for growing tobacco and also make stringent warning messages on the cigar packets. This keeps the government coffers full and keeps the incompetent social activists happy also.
I am really thankful for the government since I can live in peace knowing that my children are all growing up with the knowledge that cigar kills a few lung cells in our body and mostly in laboratory rats. Not only are there warnings for cigars or movie clips when someone smokes but for everything that the common man has access to. I really salute the government for making my son know that Coke and Pepsi are really a nice alternative for toilet cleansers, all these are due to the fact that the Government works for us.
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