I have a major concern about medicine. Frankly I have to admit that I hate seeing human blood within a distance of 2 kilometers from my eyes. While looking back for the cause I traced it way back to my childhood (not long ago) when the medicinal man for any discomfort of mine would resort to giving me an injection.
I really would like to know the course details of the present day doctors, is there any course where they teach them to convincingly lie every time I visit them? They have always been advocating that the injection will never pain, “Oh! You will hardly feel the pinch and it would be over” is what they say but when you look at his hand he would be having a syringe the size of T-Rex with a liquid as pungent enough to kill the cockroaches under my kitchen cabinet.
As a child I have always been afraid of many things including Dracula, Tamil Mega serials and Vadivelu comedy scenes. The plus side of these phobias is that you could turn them off at a touch of the button on the remote where as tetanus toxoid injection has no plus side. The most embarrassing minus point is that the injection (for most part of my childhood) was in an area which I can’t explicitly say in this forum but refer it as the B-A-C-K. The only plus was that I always got few gorgeous nurses to console me after the injection.
Today as a mature adult I can say I no longer have these childish phobias, well how did I manage to do it … I also learnt to lie. Frankly even today 8 out of 10 people will still faint on seeing human blood in real. I wonder how these same people can actually watch the movie Rambo (Part-I through Part-CXX1V) and play Mortal Combat for hours without food or sleep. I am also not too happy with the way the movie people portray medical emergencies on the screen.
Typically the scene would look like a pathetic actress is wheeled into the hospital in a stretcher which was last cleaned during the First World War and she is followed by more pathetic actors running around in a chaotic manner with the doctor never in the frame. Then the patient is pounded on her chest by her crying mother trying to convey the message “Don’t die honey! There are still 40 more melodramatic minutes left in this movie”. I feel the pounding would have been the actual cause of death (Source: the autopsy).
I feel that there is a certain clause in any medical drama scene for a movie named as “Standard Television Movie Performance Contract” where the doctors take a crack at the only patient in that hospital.
Note: the last line in the contract also has a clause stating that all doctors must wear their lab coats and reading glasses.
I really would like to know the course details of the present day doctors, is there any course where they teach them to convincingly lie every time I visit them? They have always been advocating that the injection will never pain, “Oh! You will hardly feel the pinch and it would be over” is what they say but when you look at his hand he would be having a syringe the size of T-Rex with a liquid as pungent enough to kill the cockroaches under my kitchen cabinet.
As a child I have always been afraid of many things including Dracula, Tamil Mega serials and Vadivelu comedy scenes. The plus side of these phobias is that you could turn them off at a touch of the button on the remote where as tetanus toxoid injection has no plus side. The most embarrassing minus point is that the injection (for most part of my childhood) was in an area which I can’t explicitly say in this forum but refer it as the B-A-C-K. The only plus was that I always got few gorgeous nurses to console me after the injection.
Today as a mature adult I can say I no longer have these childish phobias, well how did I manage to do it … I also learnt to lie. Frankly even today 8 out of 10 people will still faint on seeing human blood in real. I wonder how these same people can actually watch the movie Rambo (Part-I through Part-CXX1V) and play Mortal Combat for hours without food or sleep. I am also not too happy with the way the movie people portray medical emergencies on the screen.
Typically the scene would look like a pathetic actress is wheeled into the hospital in a stretcher which was last cleaned during the First World War and she is followed by more pathetic actors running around in a chaotic manner with the doctor never in the frame. Then the patient is pounded on her chest by her crying mother trying to convey the message “Don’t die honey! There are still 40 more melodramatic minutes left in this movie”. I feel the pounding would have been the actual cause of death (Source: the autopsy).
I feel that there is a certain clause in any medical drama scene for a movie named as “Standard Television Movie Performance Contract” where the doctors take a crack at the only patient in that hospital.
Note: the last line in the contract also has a clause stating that all doctors must wear their lab coats and reading glasses.
The most favoured cliché' dialogues:
First Doctor: I think she requires a Tetanus injection.
Second Doctor: Yes, but she must have 2 bottles of Gelusil before that
Third Doctor: Let me stick this tube lying here and connect her to artificial respiration
Janitor: I will clean up her mouth with Toilet cleaner – there is none here so I will use Pepsi.
Nevertheless the real world situation is not as described above but in fact is much grosser with lot of real blood instead of tomato ketchup. Also some of the nurses are not up to the standard as shown on TV. All this add up to my worries and makes me even more paranoid on the present day medical system than when I was 5 years old. Sometimes when my kid eats half our lawn I am safer trying to yank him upside down and make him drink my grandma’s mystical drink than to take him to a child specialist.
One more reason for avoiding today’s doctors is their astronomical consultation fees. I have a faint feeling that the doctors today don’t know much and hence to make our stay shorter that they scribble something on the prescription and charge exorbitantly. For example the tablet name is “Woodwards Gripewater” which to a normal reader would look like “Reger doow” depending on whether you are from left to right on the prescription.
All said and done I am on my way to the doctor to see if my nasal scan for running nose has some effect on my blogs.
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