A lot of people travel and I really don't know why? Also they seem to travel at the same time as I do. You are wondering from where I am getting these data, just look out of your car window and you will realise. My job also requires me to travel a lot on a daily basis, from my bedroom to bathroom to the garage through the 10,000 signals to my office lift, pass the corridor to the last cube in the southern most end of the building.
Well I am not talking about this travel but sometimes my tasks require me to make air-travel and this is where I come up with the problem. My guess is that the students of Wright brothers got all the fundamentals about air craft building from them but failed to note down the other requirements surrounding the air travel.
My understanding is that those who build the aerodrome and other amenities within the airport have all been directly imported from Mars and have a total working brain capacity of a deranged ant. Let me try and touch on all those pain-points accumulated from all the frequent fliers (Who? It's all my team-mates)
Aviation security was invented by the most modern cave men known to history: Homo Securitix Blasphemous. The whole idea of the cave man security was to block all those innocent cave dwellers from entering the cave without stripping them naked while letting those who carried any items such as a Bludgeon or anything that resembles a viking weapons without a fuss.
This in today's term is translated to airport security, they not only frisk innocent passengers like you and me but also frisk the laptops that we carry. I have a small problem here, my official laptop has some kind of a secret device which prompts the internal circuits to alert those security personnel (whose job is just to view some black-n-white X-ray images of all the hand luggage all day) that this item is some kind of a modern concocted weapon of mass destruction.[Note: I am in no way referring to a wallpaper of Danush or Power-Star]
After this ordeal of security check I will surely be tired and hungry. I don't know about you but I am certainly hungry every time when I am done with this security check. I seriously wonder if those airport food vendors have ever stepped out of the airport area to know what is the economic trend outside. Just like Hindi movies, airport is the other place where is there is no recession. For more details just check any menu item from any vendor. A small burger, when I mean small it is really S-M-A-L-L, costs Rs.250/= while just few feet away you can have 15 square meals for the same amount. I am not only harping about the money but also on the taste. These burgers were possibly made during the regime of Indra Gandhi, reheated during Vajpayee reign.
I want to meet some airport authority and ask them the rules for setting up a book stall in the airport. Is it mandatory that they have to carry all the works of John Gresham only as the best sellers and rejects from Land Mark and other book stores. Why is it that I cannot find any other decent author from any book stall right from JFK to Anna International airport. Is there an FAA regulation that requires every book reader to read 15 pages of a John Gresham novel or has he tied up with all the airport outlets? [Note: A big question to ponder for this week.]
Once inside the craft, is it necessary for me to have those safety instructions shown over and over again. I fail to see how these tips can help you when you are about to nose dive either on land or on sea. Let them just give each passenger 140 words to type their last message and send it, we are pretty happy with that than the boring safety video. You should also see who these air-hostess throw their hands in a circular motion over their head when they show you how to locate the emergency exit. I feel they are trying to tell you that you will be circling around the plan looking for the exit while we all will jump out of the exit safely. Have we not seen a safety buckle before and how to remove it? Even my neighbours dog can do it. Did I every tell you that you have to bite it and open it or ask them. I wish to write to the airline authorities to stop showing these video and directly get to the boring entertainment channels during take-off.
Just before the take-off, the pilot makes a long speech about how is he going to fly, the route, the distance from ground and the weather in Turkey etc. Is it something that I want to know. Someday I want to walk inside the cockpit and tell the pilot "I am having those small peanut package and the 2 cracked biscuits for snacks that you served us and will have the peanuts later while we fly over Turkey" and see the reaction of the pilot. Why doesn't he just keep the mic off and try flying the plane towards the destination with less delay.
I also have an hunch that when ever the pilots are not well trained, they use the FOG or technical snag to stall the plane. Then try to log a complaint using the 24x7 airline breakdown service and use google to locate their map/route plus YouTube videos on take-off procedures.
This is what I am going to elaborate in my next customer meeting and try stopping the air-travel from my job, before that have to call my secretary and book the flight tickets well in advance.
This in today's term is translated to airport security, they not only frisk innocent passengers like you and me but also frisk the laptops that we carry. I have a small problem here, my official laptop has some kind of a secret device which prompts the internal circuits to alert those security personnel (whose job is just to view some black-n-white X-ray images of all the hand luggage all day) that this item is some kind of a modern concocted weapon of mass destruction.[Note: I am in no way referring to a wallpaper of Danush or Power-Star]
After this ordeal of security check I will surely be tired and hungry. I don't know about you but I am certainly hungry every time when I am done with this security check. I seriously wonder if those airport food vendors have ever stepped out of the airport area to know what is the economic trend outside. Just like Hindi movies, airport is the other place where is there is no recession. For more details just check any menu item from any vendor. A small burger, when I mean small it is really S-M-A-L-L, costs Rs.250/= while just few feet away you can have 15 square meals for the same amount. I am not only harping about the money but also on the taste. These burgers were possibly made during the regime of Indra Gandhi, reheated during Vajpayee reign.
I want to meet some airport authority and ask them the rules for setting up a book stall in the airport. Is it mandatory that they have to carry all the works of John Gresham only as the best sellers and rejects from Land Mark and other book stores. Why is it that I cannot find any other decent author from any book stall right from JFK to Anna International airport. Is there an FAA regulation that requires every book reader to read 15 pages of a John Gresham novel or has he tied up with all the airport outlets? [Note: A big question to ponder for this week.]
Once inside the craft, is it necessary for me to have those safety instructions shown over and over again. I fail to see how these tips can help you when you are about to nose dive either on land or on sea. Let them just give each passenger 140 words to type their last message and send it, we are pretty happy with that than the boring safety video. You should also see who these air-hostess throw their hands in a circular motion over their head when they show you how to locate the emergency exit. I feel they are trying to tell you that you will be circling around the plan looking for the exit while we all will jump out of the exit safely. Have we not seen a safety buckle before and how to remove it? Even my neighbours dog can do it. Did I every tell you that you have to bite it and open it or ask them. I wish to write to the airline authorities to stop showing these video and directly get to the boring entertainment channels during take-off.
Just before the take-off, the pilot makes a long speech about how is he going to fly, the route, the distance from ground and the weather in Turkey etc. Is it something that I want to know. Someday I want to walk inside the cockpit and tell the pilot "I am having those small peanut package and the 2 cracked biscuits for snacks that you served us and will have the peanuts later while we fly over Turkey" and see the reaction of the pilot. Why doesn't he just keep the mic off and try flying the plane towards the destination with less delay.
I also have an hunch that when ever the pilots are not well trained, they use the FOG or technical snag to stall the plane. Then try to log a complaint using the 24x7 airline breakdown service and use google to locate their map/route plus YouTube videos on take-off procedures.
This is what I am going to elaborate in my next customer meeting and try stopping the air-travel from my job, before that have to call my secretary and book the flight tickets well in advance.
2 comments:
What about the immigration gates and the long walk to your airline gate from security clearance. Fraport must build a transit metro not just for terminals but also for terminals to gates.
You missed the long walk to the airline gates from the security clearance. Guess Fraport should build a transit metro not just across terminals but also between the security clearance and airline gate. How could you even miss the immigration gates!!!
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