The general attitude of an airline passenger is to go in an empty stomach, which is due to the excellent computer programs that reserves you the best timing for a flight. Usually if you are a heavy sleeper, it is very likely that you shall be booked for the 5:00AM flight irrespective of whether your source is Idaho or Manhattan or Bahamas. Hence majority of the passengers 89 out of 96 (Source: somebody as reliable as my friends in Bahamas) rely on airlines food for survival.
The food in general is not even as palatable as a wooden table but yet shall be served by the airlines with a broad smile. Some airlines would require you to pickup the packets while boarding the flight hence making their job a lot easier. Its like McDonald's motto "We do everything for you" while YOU order the combination, YOU collect the food, YOU have to cook it if you need it so, YOU clean the mess, YOU chew the food and YOU throw the leftovers in the trash can and yet you agree with their motto. In fact, it looks like a consumer of McDonalds should have a motto "We eat any SHIT served to us".
Coming back to the point, the airlines serve a neatly packed lunch basket, which invariably shall contain exactly 3 items. They are (not necessary in the same order mumbo)
1. A packet of "Break-fast" bar,
2. A cup of frozen yogurt (sweetened) and
3. The hardest green banana you ever seen on this planet.
Even a hammer would be difficult to split it. The banana is a part of the morning breakfast menu in all the morning flights which you travel. I presume that they have a secret agent following you to inform the airline agencies on your trip schedule and your dislike to bananas. Talking of tickets, you always end up sharing your seat with a huge fellow who requires a minimum area of 3 football grounds. Like rubbing salt to the would, he would have paid much less for the ticket since he booked it minutes after Oliver & Wilber Wright flew their first flight. While you, a rotten lazy blob, always end up paying an amount equalling the monthly salary of two attendants for the same ticket. (Reason: you booked it 4 minutes before departure)
The airlines always come up with new naming conventions such as "Bristo Pack", "Value meals" for their in-flight catering. These are the brainwave of a few marketing professionals who have a 3-week seminar in Paris, have nice food and come up with these news ideas which are consumer friendly. The rejected name during that meeting would be "a bag of inedible items", “decomposed garbage pack” or “McDonald’s happy meal”. The whole idea of calling the marketing guys into the picture was for the airline to save money. They came up with an appropriate solution "Let's stop serving real food and just give then wooden chips instead".
Most times than not you happen to eat the "Breakfast bar" since it’s a better bargain than fasting all the way to New York and falling down flat to the ground near Sax, Fifth Avenue. Also, it doesn’t matter if once a while we eat wood, take the beavers for example who since Darwin's time had only tree barks and are intelligent. They don’t travel via air and sleep a lot. Anyway, while having the bar, you are very likely to hear announcements like "We are having some FOG in O'Hare and hence, there is a delay".
One thing fails to get me, why is any technical fault in the US airlines linked with O'Hare. Or is O'Hare located next to the refrigerator that holds all those solid bananas that is circulated across the different airlines? I can not find a reason as to how they can manager to develop a FOG within 30 minutes in Houston. Another thing is that they won't let you off the flight while there is a technical snag such as a FOG in Houston. It's because they are afraid that we would run away and catch a Greyhound, which would take us to the destination faster and we get to eat at McDonalds.
Even though we are inside the flight waiting for the janitors to come and wipe the wind-shield so that the pilots can now say "The FOG has cleared and we are ready to leave", they wouldn’t like us to consume the eatables. In case, a fat lady decides to consume it, the hostess shall scream "Oh My god! One more down". I think they have a concept of recycling the bananas and the yogurt again for the return flight or keep it in the refrigerator located near O'Hare airport.
With the consumers becoming more and more like tub of lards and with increasing market ingenuity, there is no telling how far they shall take us for a ride. Perhaps some day, when we board our airplane, we will each pick up a box of dirt; this will be called "Haute Cuisine Service" or a packet of fresh decomposed ells and a badly hurt snail called "The Oriental Choice".
We will accept the box without complaining because we are knowledgeable consumers, and our motto is "Oink! Oink!"
The food in general is not even as palatable as a wooden table but yet shall be served by the airlines with a broad smile. Some airlines would require you to pickup the packets while boarding the flight hence making their job a lot easier. Its like McDonald's motto "We do everything for you" while YOU order the combination, YOU collect the food, YOU have to cook it if you need it so, YOU clean the mess, YOU chew the food and YOU throw the leftovers in the trash can and yet you agree with their motto. In fact, it looks like a consumer of McDonalds should have a motto "We eat any SHIT served to us".
Coming back to the point, the airlines serve a neatly packed lunch basket, which invariably shall contain exactly 3 items. They are (not necessary in the same order mumbo)
1. A packet of "Break-fast" bar,
2. A cup of frozen yogurt (sweetened) and
3. The hardest green banana you ever seen on this planet.
Even a hammer would be difficult to split it. The banana is a part of the morning breakfast menu in all the morning flights which you travel. I presume that they have a secret agent following you to inform the airline agencies on your trip schedule and your dislike to bananas. Talking of tickets, you always end up sharing your seat with a huge fellow who requires a minimum area of 3 football grounds. Like rubbing salt to the would, he would have paid much less for the ticket since he booked it minutes after Oliver & Wilber Wright flew their first flight. While you, a rotten lazy blob, always end up paying an amount equalling the monthly salary of two attendants for the same ticket. (Reason: you booked it 4 minutes before departure)
The airlines always come up with new naming conventions such as "Bristo Pack", "Value meals" for their in-flight catering. These are the brainwave of a few marketing professionals who have a 3-week seminar in Paris, have nice food and come up with these news ideas which are consumer friendly. The rejected name during that meeting would be "a bag of inedible items", “decomposed garbage pack” or “McDonald’s happy meal”. The whole idea of calling the marketing guys into the picture was for the airline to save money. They came up with an appropriate solution "Let's stop serving real food and just give then wooden chips instead".
Most times than not you happen to eat the "Breakfast bar" since it’s a better bargain than fasting all the way to New York and falling down flat to the ground near Sax, Fifth Avenue. Also, it doesn’t matter if once a while we eat wood, take the beavers for example who since Darwin's time had only tree barks and are intelligent. They don’t travel via air and sleep a lot. Anyway, while having the bar, you are very likely to hear announcements like "We are having some FOG in O'Hare and hence, there is a delay".
One thing fails to get me, why is any technical fault in the US airlines linked with O'Hare. Or is O'Hare located next to the refrigerator that holds all those solid bananas that is circulated across the different airlines? I can not find a reason as to how they can manager to develop a FOG within 30 minutes in Houston. Another thing is that they won't let you off the flight while there is a technical snag such as a FOG in Houston. It's because they are afraid that we would run away and catch a Greyhound, which would take us to the destination faster and we get to eat at McDonalds.
Even though we are inside the flight waiting for the janitors to come and wipe the wind-shield so that the pilots can now say "The FOG has cleared and we are ready to leave", they wouldn’t like us to consume the eatables. In case, a fat lady decides to consume it, the hostess shall scream "Oh My god! One more down". I think they have a concept of recycling the bananas and the yogurt again for the return flight or keep it in the refrigerator located near O'Hare airport.
With the consumers becoming more and more like tub of lards and with increasing market ingenuity, there is no telling how far they shall take us for a ride. Perhaps some day, when we board our airplane, we will each pick up a box of dirt; this will be called "Haute Cuisine Service" or a packet of fresh decomposed ells and a badly hurt snail called "The Oriental Choice".
We will accept the box without complaining because we are knowledgeable consumers, and our motto is "Oink! Oink!"
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