The truth behind what the RJs say on radio

It’s really been a long time since I have gone to work and hence I am really out of touch on how to spend my morning hours till lunch. Usually when I go to work, the morning routine really keeps me busy – say reach office and check personal mails, then update Facebook and twitter, check official mails, login to system and read newspaper sites. By the time this routine gets done I am nearing lunch time. Since I don’t have this routine now, I have to rely on the local FM channels for spending my morning hours.

I think I have listened to a lot of FM radio shows now, trust me on this. I have a total of 320 hours of listening done for this month alone and hence I feel that I am a specialist when it comes to exactly knowing what the Radio Jockey is trying to say when they are on AIR.

So you think otherwise, well here I am to prove it to you. I am listing below the most commonly heard phrases and lines from the local channels and my observation about them, read through them and let me know if I am wrong.

RJ: For your pure enjoyment purpose I am giving you 15 minutes of uninterrupted love songs on the air now.
What It Actually Means: I have to go to the bathroom urgently and am not sure how long will it take.

RJ: The following song is dedicated to Raja, Mohan, Sumathi, Priya, Ramesh and Jenifer.
What It Actually Means: Finally the show has some real listeners, why not call them by their names and keep them happy.

RJ: Before the next song starts we’ll have the latest “SkyWatch Weather Report” sponsored by Stag Mark Umbrellas.
What It Actually Means: Let me walk over to the window, look out and give you an update.

RJ: Ummhh ... You are experiencing some technical difficulties currently, we will return shortly, don’t go anywhere stay tuned.
What It Actually Means: I am currently searching for the MP3 CD or have spilt coffee over it.

RJ: I request our patrons to please call us now for any request, lots of prizes to be won. All our lines are open.
What It Actually Means: I really would love to find out if someone is really tuned in to this show.

RJ: “Citizens, Don’t drink and drive”. The following public service message is mandated by the Traffic Police.
What It Actually Means: There are no sponsors for this show and so we make it up with public service messages.

RJ: The next song is a popular number from the 80s; we wish to bring those old songs back to your memories.
What It Actually Means: For Rs0.50 you can get only those discarded 80s songs for playing.

RJ: The next song is from the smashing romantic hit movie [Any New Movie Name Here] which is currently running in Cinemas near you.
What It Actually Means: Although the movie and the song are crap, I want to stay on the “Free Movie Guest” list, so will repeat this song for quite a number of times.

Well it is getting time for the next show now and I have to get moving, so until my next free time, it’s me “Your friendly Neighbourhood Blogger” signing off in style.

FM Radio's Junk Shows

If there is a radio nearby kindly turn it on. The reason why I am requesting is that it gives you far greater assurance that there are great many stupider morons than you existing in this world. For some reason I always believed that the radio jockey’s are directly download from a far away planet like craziod or flobber who have a working brain functionality of a turnip.

Just for argument sake, let me demonstrate how a normal radio show works.

Note: The names are changed to protect their identity.

Host: “Hi, This is “Pesallam Vanga” show and this is your favourite host Sirchi Muchi. Today’s topic is “Is the Union budget necessary?” So before the show starts let us listen to a lousy new Tamil song without any Tamil words in it.

[Song plays for quiet a long time]

Host: “Hello caller”
[Static Noise]
Host: “Hello caller – I can’t hear you, reduce your radio volume and continue”

[Static Noise increases]
[Bang – Hammer hitting the head, then Static noise decreases]

Caller: “Hi Muchi, I am James”
Host: “Yes James, go ahead”
Caller: “Oooooowwwwooowwww, am I really on air?”
Host: “Yes, go ahead”
Caller: “I can’t believe that I am talking with Sirchi Muchi”
Host: “Yes, it is true sir, come on talk”
Caller: “Ok, I am a bit nervous but let me tell you what happened to my neighbour’s house. Last night while they were busy watching the mega-serial on TV a gang of 3 robbers came and wiped out their house. In fact one of the gang members is supposedly to my neighbour’s nephew. It is also rumoured that …”

[Host interrupting]

Host: “Ok, but can you tell me your opinion about the budget”
Caller: “What budget, I am not a city brought up and hence my wife only takes care of the budgets.”
Host: “Not your budget, I am talking about the Union budget”
Caller: What Union?”
Host: “Well thanks for your views on the budget. While I wait for the next caller, you can continue listening to the next song which is also a crap.”
[Song looks like it goes on for ever]

Caller: “Denise… is that you?”
Host: “Welcome sir, you are right now talking on the show “Pesallam Vanga” with me the host Sirchi Muchi. So what is your view on the union budget?”
Caller: “Well I have no views of any sort, I just am trying to get holds of Denise ‘coz he stole my girlfriend and I am fully armed. In case he calls up, just warn him about this.”
[C-L-I-C-K]

Host: “Well, guess today is a bit busy day for all, while we wait for someone to talk about the budget you can hear the same song which we play on a daily basis since the production manager bought the rights for this song very cheap”
[Song which no one has heard till now]

Caller: “Hello Muchi, is this “Pesallam Vanga” show?”
Host: “Yes and who are you?”
Caller: “This is Ramu and I calling to correct the data about what Mr. James said. I am in no way related to the robbery which took place yesterday night. I was in fact just smoking marijuana next to the college playground and hence want you to correct the information for me”
Host: “OK fine but before you leave, do you have any views on this union budget this year?”
Caller: “I just like to tell the finance minister to lower the prices of tobacco since it is very difficult for me to smoke pot with this kind of prices.”
Host: “Well I am longing for someone to talk about this union budget until that occurs kindly hear the song or better still switch channels”
[Song which no one has heard till now]

Caller: “Hello Muchi, I would like to express my opinion on the union budget and my name is Shyam”
Host: “Well Shyam nice to know at least one caller wants to talk about the topic but unfortunately time is out for this show so you can try tomorrow when we shall discuss about the Presidential Elections in the US. Until then enjoy the day and this is Sirchi Muchi signing off – BYE”
[CLICK - Radio Switched OFF]