Before we get to today's blog, I have an important announcement regarding outsourcing. Well it is important since that is the topic which I am going to talk about in the next 750 words.
''Outsourcing'' is a business expression that means, in layperson's terms, ''sourcing out.'' It's a trend that started years ago in the caves of southern Africa. Some group of men decided to stay inside the caves on their sofas and watch football and ordered the others to go out and hunt. Thiswas the starting point of “Outsourcing”. Eventually the cave dwellers became so bulky that they could only perform outsourcing jobs. [This trait can in today’s world substantially be found in Project Managers]
During the industrial revolution, factories where they mainly manufactured products, which in business term means ''making cheap things costly'' reinvented the outsourcing model. You folks won't believe this, but there was a time when Americans actually made physical things called ''products'' right here in America with the stamp “Made in America”.
Workers would go to large grimy buildings called ''factories'' [Still they are grimy buildings with bulldog bosses] where they would take a raw material such as iron ore and perform industrial acts on it or in layman term “Work in factories”. By the end of the day, they smelt terrible, but they had turned the ore into something useful, such as a toaster, or a bazooka, or (this was not abig seller) a bazooka-toaster. One of the reasons may be since it was not USB 1.414 compliant.
The making of things was outsourced decades ago to foreign nations such as Asia [somewhere east of West Virginia]. You should now be thinking if West Virginia in the East or West? Well this is because they have even outsourced geography lessons to Vietnam due to inflation.
Today, the Americans ( or people of the West) are dimly aware that their TVs, computers, cell phones, underwear, dentures, cartoons, etc., must come from SOMEWHERE, but we have no real clue who is making them, or how. They have enough trouble figuring out how to remove the packaging or read the manual since mostly it would be in Chinese font.
After the Y2K hype, Americans have stopped making any thing expect big budget computer graphic movies; America became a ''service economy,'' which is a business term meaning ''an economy where it is virtually impossible to get service.''Even now their service industries are being outsourced.
Take, for example, ''technical support,'' which is the department you call when you are having a technical problem and need to be placed on hold. Today, when you finally get through to a human, he or she is often in a different country. This is good news and bad news:
THE GOOD NEWS IS: The foreign tech support people are smart, educated and eager to help, and they speak English.
THE BAD NEWS IS: They speak it in such a way that you understand only about every fifth word.
You are asking me how I know it. I recently had a problem with a computer, so I called technical support, which in the case of this company is located, I believe, on Mars. Although the person on the other end sincerely tried to help, the only word I consistently understood him saying was ''cost''.
TECH SUPPORT GUY: Mr.Customer, wokm todelc strsprot, cost. Cnygv meth serilnbr?
ME: The serial number? You want the serial number?
TECH SUPPORT GUY: Thtsrdy ndimsng, Cost. Logndr btmmrstit,?
ME: What? You can’t help me?
TECH SUPPORT GUY: Thtansks nfkor kalling 24/7 supbprt!
But we might as well accept it: Outsourcing is here to stay. And it's happening EVERYWHERE. Yes boss everywhere includes Guatemala. You will be surprised that it is happening at all places including industries that would surprise you:
When you order a burger at a McDonald's toll-free number, the person who's taking your order is actually located in the Philippines. Your burger is physically cooked by workers in China, then transmitted almost instantaneously to the U.S. via a high-speed Advanced Digestible Burger Patty Line (ADBPL).
When you take a commercial airline flight, the plane is actually being controlled from Rio by a 10-year-old girl holding a remote-control joystick in one hand and a lollipop in the other. The ''pilot'' in the front of your plane is a retired security guard whose sole responsibility is to noticewhen the plane starts shaking, and make an announcement that you are experiencing turbulence and kindly wear your seat belts.
When you go to the hospital for surgery, after the anaesthesiologist puts you out, your body is ... You don't want to know.
So many of the western government recently tried to pass a law against outsourcing, only to discover that all federal legislation since 1897 has actually been produced in Taiwan.
So outsourcing is here to stay. Which leads me to my announcement: Starting today, I will no longer personally write my blogs. It will be produced by foreign workers, who, rest assured, are highly trained [which means not from America]. You will notice no drop off in quality as you continue to enjoy the wacky hmogrins of fblsevry lftht hvfrsmnyrs.
''Outsourcing'' is a business expression that means, in layperson's terms, ''sourcing out.'' It's a trend that started years ago in the caves of southern Africa. Some group of men decided to stay inside the caves on their sofas and watch football and ordered the others to go out and hunt. Thiswas the starting point of “Outsourcing”. Eventually the cave dwellers became so bulky that they could only perform outsourcing jobs. [This trait can in today’s world substantially be found in Project Managers]
During the industrial revolution, factories where they mainly manufactured products, which in business term means ''making cheap things costly'' reinvented the outsourcing model. You folks won't believe this, but there was a time when Americans actually made physical things called ''products'' right here in America with the stamp “Made in America”.
Workers would go to large grimy buildings called ''factories'' [Still they are grimy buildings with bulldog bosses] where they would take a raw material such as iron ore and perform industrial acts on it or in layman term “Work in factories”. By the end of the day, they smelt terrible, but they had turned the ore into something useful, such as a toaster, or a bazooka, or (this was not abig seller) a bazooka-toaster. One of the reasons may be since it was not USB 1.414 compliant.
The making of things was outsourced decades ago to foreign nations such as Asia [somewhere east of West Virginia]. You should now be thinking if West Virginia in the East or West? Well this is because they have even outsourced geography lessons to Vietnam due to inflation.
Today, the Americans ( or people of the West) are dimly aware that their TVs, computers, cell phones, underwear, dentures, cartoons, etc., must come from SOMEWHERE, but we have no real clue who is making them, or how. They have enough trouble figuring out how to remove the packaging or read the manual since mostly it would be in Chinese font.
After the Y2K hype, Americans have stopped making any thing expect big budget computer graphic movies; America became a ''service economy,'' which is a business term meaning ''an economy where it is virtually impossible to get service.''Even now their service industries are being outsourced.
Take, for example, ''technical support,'' which is the department you call when you are having a technical problem and need to be placed on hold. Today, when you finally get through to a human, he or she is often in a different country. This is good news and bad news:
THE GOOD NEWS IS: The foreign tech support people are smart, educated and eager to help, and they speak English.
THE BAD NEWS IS: They speak it in such a way that you understand only about every fifth word.
You are asking me how I know it. I recently had a problem with a computer, so I called technical support, which in the case of this company is located, I believe, on Mars. Although the person on the other end sincerely tried to help, the only word I consistently understood him saying was ''cost''.
TECH SUPPORT GUY: Mr.Customer, wokm todelc strsprot, cost. Cnygv meth serilnbr?
ME: The serial number? You want the serial number?
TECH SUPPORT GUY: Thtsrdy ndimsng, Cost. Logndr btmmrstit,?
ME: What? You can’t help me?
TECH SUPPORT GUY: Thtansks nfkor kalling 24/7 supbprt!
But we might as well accept it: Outsourcing is here to stay. And it's happening EVERYWHERE. Yes boss everywhere includes Guatemala. You will be surprised that it is happening at all places including industries that would surprise you:
When you order a burger at a McDonald's toll-free number, the person who's taking your order is actually located in the Philippines. Your burger is physically cooked by workers in China, then transmitted almost instantaneously to the U.S. via a high-speed Advanced Digestible Burger Patty Line (ADBPL).
When you take a commercial airline flight, the plane is actually being controlled from Rio by a 10-year-old girl holding a remote-control joystick in one hand and a lollipop in the other. The ''pilot'' in the front of your plane is a retired security guard whose sole responsibility is to noticewhen the plane starts shaking, and make an announcement that you are experiencing turbulence and kindly wear your seat belts.
When you go to the hospital for surgery, after the anaesthesiologist puts you out, your body is ... You don't want to know.
So many of the western government recently tried to pass a law against outsourcing, only to discover that all federal legislation since 1897 has actually been produced in Taiwan.
So outsourcing is here to stay. Which leads me to my announcement: Starting today, I will no longer personally write my blogs. It will be produced by foreign workers, who, rest assured, are highly trained [which means not from America]. You will notice no drop off in quality as you continue to enjoy the wacky hmogrins of fblsevry lftht hvfrsmnyrs.
1 comment:
:) ROFL
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