We are moving inside our own house every 4 minutes and I got to blame this on my son. He is only 42 months old but somehow seems to have got something in him to be always in the news just like our Indian cricket team. This time around we are lurking like a cat in the house due to the fact that we have to get admission for him in a school.
When I was a “YOUTH’ (not long ago, this is to keep me happy) schools were mainly to make sure parents get some time off and the children have some past time. In today’s fast moving world, school is the ONLY thing which a family thinks right from the moment they hear that the wife is pregnant. Even as I am typing these words, some couple would be thinking of which play-school to put their kid in. It has gone to such an extent that many couples like their friends to present school bags, Tiffin boxes, geometry box for their baby shower so that they are well prepared for sending their kid to pre-school.
The process starts with the selection of the school. This involves more calculations than what was encountered by Einstein while solving the theory of relativity. The major criterion is the school being located in the same solar system of ours. Then the issue is about the affordability comes into picture. For all practical purpose consider any school as non-affordable. The reason for this is the schools thrive on your competency to teach your kids. There are 2 methods of filtering the schools of your choice. First method is to look at your neighbour and follow them or the second method which is highly scientific and works all the time – “Inky Pinky Ponky” as a filter.
The second item in the list of things to do is to procure an application form. Usually the forms are given on a day and time which is never suitable for any of the parents. Getting an application form is a real big ordeal compared to buying a nuclear missile from the US Defence Ministry. Parents have to employ 2 people for 3 months to go and stand in-front of the school to be first in line. For many parents who can’t afford people go personally and camp before the school thereby letting their houses for rent. As we read this line I am sure many house owners are contemplating of leasing their homes and pitching a tent before lucrative schools and then think of marriage and kids.
The next item on the list is to find a suitable mode of transportation. As far as I know it’s the same mini-van in which the driver, through very precise calculations, fits as much of human flesh possible inside the van and where ever there is space he will carefully fold the small children and stuff the gap. In the rear end of the van he will mount all the school bags which will weigh roughly 23 metric tonnes. It is truly an engineering marvel on how this van travels through the roads with its wheels hardly in contact with the surface. The driver’s mood often reflects that he is trying to keeps his bladders from breaking while driving the vehicle. In one sense it is really nice that the children don’t feel the drive to school but for other observers outside the van it is horrible.
Even though the above tasks look heavy, the heaviest is yet to come. Getting the child to a ready state is a big struggle for the parents. Firstly to wake the kid up is such a Herculean task that it saps 60% of your energy. We have to put him in the bathroom while he is half awake and brush him up. While the man brushes the kid, the woman undresses him for the bath. Like trying to catch a crocodile in swamp, the woman returns to the room with the kid tied around her shoulders to dress him up. Invariably the guy always gets the dress combination wrong but yet the lady will assign this task to the guy on daily basis. Perhaps both of them went to Harvard Business School for education and the school didn’t teach them this.
Once the kid is dressed up, he looks exactly like Buzz Aldrin just before his launch. Only thing was that Buzz didn’t have to take this Tiffin box and water bottles. Apart from this, in case you kid spills (eventually he will you moron) food we have a bib tied to his collar. While doing all this, the kid shall remain in his sleep like Newton’s First law and shall be forced to wake up only in the evening for watching TV.
The school bag is an issue which I have to touch upon. The actual weight allowed as per law maybe around 450 gms but in reality it is the same weight as the Rock of Gibraltar. They have to take note books which are classified as actual class note, scrap note, rough for the scrap note, rough for no reason, home work notes, promissory note, text books, Britannica encyclopaedia, Income tax law books etc on a daily basis. The heavier the bag the more studious the kid is, this is an unwritten rule according to the educationalists. The second part is the course for these kinder garden kids which includes integral calculus, financial management, foreign law and if time permits some nursery rhymes and good manners. No wonder my kid keeps failing just like me.
On the whole for those couples thinking for a kid and those expecting couples beware of our education system. While the lady is entering the labour ward, you husbands kindly pitch a tent next to the school compound. Don’t cry that I never warned you – I am on duty from tonight near the school grounds.
Note: take the pizza delivery numbers with you & if possible the hospital number for emergency.
When I was a “YOUTH’ (not long ago, this is to keep me happy) schools were mainly to make sure parents get some time off and the children have some past time. In today’s fast moving world, school is the ONLY thing which a family thinks right from the moment they hear that the wife is pregnant. Even as I am typing these words, some couple would be thinking of which play-school to put their kid in. It has gone to such an extent that many couples like their friends to present school bags, Tiffin boxes, geometry box for their baby shower so that they are well prepared for sending their kid to pre-school.
The process starts with the selection of the school. This involves more calculations than what was encountered by Einstein while solving the theory of relativity. The major criterion is the school being located in the same solar system of ours. Then the issue is about the affordability comes into picture. For all practical purpose consider any school as non-affordable. The reason for this is the schools thrive on your competency to teach your kids. There are 2 methods of filtering the schools of your choice. First method is to look at your neighbour and follow them or the second method which is highly scientific and works all the time – “Inky Pinky Ponky” as a filter.
The second item in the list of things to do is to procure an application form. Usually the forms are given on a day and time which is never suitable for any of the parents. Getting an application form is a real big ordeal compared to buying a nuclear missile from the US Defence Ministry. Parents have to employ 2 people for 3 months to go and stand in-front of the school to be first in line. For many parents who can’t afford people go personally and camp before the school thereby letting their houses for rent. As we read this line I am sure many house owners are contemplating of leasing their homes and pitching a tent before lucrative schools and then think of marriage and kids.
The next item on the list is to find a suitable mode of transportation. As far as I know it’s the same mini-van in which the driver, through very precise calculations, fits as much of human flesh possible inside the van and where ever there is space he will carefully fold the small children and stuff the gap. In the rear end of the van he will mount all the school bags which will weigh roughly 23 metric tonnes. It is truly an engineering marvel on how this van travels through the roads with its wheels hardly in contact with the surface. The driver’s mood often reflects that he is trying to keeps his bladders from breaking while driving the vehicle. In one sense it is really nice that the children don’t feel the drive to school but for other observers outside the van it is horrible.
Even though the above tasks look heavy, the heaviest is yet to come. Getting the child to a ready state is a big struggle for the parents. Firstly to wake the kid up is such a Herculean task that it saps 60% of your energy. We have to put him in the bathroom while he is half awake and brush him up. While the man brushes the kid, the woman undresses him for the bath. Like trying to catch a crocodile in swamp, the woman returns to the room with the kid tied around her shoulders to dress him up. Invariably the guy always gets the dress combination wrong but yet the lady will assign this task to the guy on daily basis. Perhaps both of them went to Harvard Business School for education and the school didn’t teach them this.
Once the kid is dressed up, he looks exactly like Buzz Aldrin just before his launch. Only thing was that Buzz didn’t have to take this Tiffin box and water bottles. Apart from this, in case you kid spills (eventually he will you moron) food we have a bib tied to his collar. While doing all this, the kid shall remain in his sleep like Newton’s First law and shall be forced to wake up only in the evening for watching TV.
The school bag is an issue which I have to touch upon. The actual weight allowed as per law maybe around 450 gms but in reality it is the same weight as the Rock of Gibraltar. They have to take note books which are classified as actual class note, scrap note, rough for the scrap note, rough for no reason, home work notes, promissory note, text books, Britannica encyclopaedia, Income tax law books etc on a daily basis. The heavier the bag the more studious the kid is, this is an unwritten rule according to the educationalists. The second part is the course for these kinder garden kids which includes integral calculus, financial management, foreign law and if time permits some nursery rhymes and good manners. No wonder my kid keeps failing just like me.
On the whole for those couples thinking for a kid and those expecting couples beware of our education system. While the lady is entering the labour ward, you husbands kindly pitch a tent next to the school compound. Don’t cry that I never warned you – I am on duty from tonight near the school grounds.
Note: take the pizza delivery numbers with you & if possible the hospital number for emergency.
No comments:
Post a Comment