There is a man -- we'll call him “John Smith” – who went to see a doctor. He was complaining of tiredness, bruises all over his body, shooting pains in his neck, and exclamation marks over his head. The doctor immediately recognized these symptoms: “John Smith” had a snoring problem. At nights, he has being jabbed repeatedly by his wife, trying to make him shut up. Also, somebody had apparently been shooting him from the next apartment.
Yes, snoring is a serious health problem, one that affects more Indians than IPL fatigue and “Breaking News” syndrome combined. Yet many people -- and here I am in no way referring to any of my friends -- refuse to admit that they snore. Even if they routinely emit nocturnal noises that cause Purlins to fly off the roof, they will be outraged that you leap to the conclusion that they are the source of the snoring, knowing pretty well that other than him only you are present in the room.
Women -- and now I am NOT in any way referring to my wife -- tend to be the worst snoring-deniers, because women are taught from an early age that it is not feminine to emit any noise or aroma that would indicate that they are ordinary biological living beings. Men, on the other hand, consider bodily functions to be a highly masculine form of manliness. That's why men are not afraid to haul off and let go of a hearty burp, often as a way to emphasize a rhetorical point even in an important conference. (The next slide shows the average share BBBBBBBBBBBBBuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrppppppppp price [Entire group laughs out loud] ... I rest my case)
Medical science tells us that, one way or another, the average man releases 6,000 units of burping sound per day, and significantly more if he is in an elevator after lunch. Meanwhile, the average woman, striving to be feminine, is keeping all that gas bottled up inside her body. This results in an enormous pressure build-up that can, later in life especially after marriage, cause an explosive and embarrassing medical condition known as “El Niño effect.” This is precisely why one well-known woman -- who, out of respect for her privacy, I will refer to here only as “The Queen of Uttar Pradesh” -- is accompanied at all times by men with Shenai and Tabla.
At this point, it might be a good idea for all of us to rewind and jump to the first paragraph to get what is our topic. OK, there it is, snoring. As I was saying, most of us snore, even though -- and I am STILL not in any way referring to my wife -- we refuse to admit it.
But what is snoring? Since many of us do not know it, let me see if I can help you with some facts about it.
Q: What is Snoring?
A: Medically, it means that the air inside the body is being blocked by some organs in your face thus preventing a free flow, resulting in a Dolby 5.1 surround sound.
Q: How serious is Snoring?
A: There is no seriousness to the snorer but it is those innocent partners who can get complications such as Blood Pressure, Cranial bleeding, Cochleae impedimenta and in some cases insomnia and tendencies of a midnight serial killer.
Q: Who told you all these?
A: I have consulted my close friend who happens to be a national expert on sleep, yes Mr.Deva Gowda. He has also authored a book on the “Hypocritical Life of a Farmer” in which there is a chapter entitled “Hiccups causes Suicide amongst snorers”.
Q: I don’t think I can believe this, is it true?
A: If you can believe that there is no connection between “Kalaigner TV” and the 2G scam, why not this? Or for that matter you still believe that Manmohan is the PM and not Sonia Ji.
Q: Is snoring life threatening?
A: Yes if one of your neighbour is a 7 foot boxer or a criminal lawyer.
Q: OK, So how does one cure this?
A: I here from informed medical sources (Google search) that snoring can be cured by a surgical procedure. Basically they cut open the Larynx and the entire back of your throat.
Q: Some medical journals say the above procedure doesn’t always cure, it is so?
A: Who cares? At least YOU won’t snore right.
Yes, snoring is a serious health problem, one that affects more Indians than IPL fatigue and “Breaking News” syndrome combined. Yet many people -- and here I am in no way referring to any of my friends -- refuse to admit that they snore. Even if they routinely emit nocturnal noises that cause Purlins to fly off the roof, they will be outraged that you leap to the conclusion that they are the source of the snoring, knowing pretty well that other than him only you are present in the room.
Women -- and now I am NOT in any way referring to my wife -- tend to be the worst snoring-deniers, because women are taught from an early age that it is not feminine to emit any noise or aroma that would indicate that they are ordinary biological living beings. Men, on the other hand, consider bodily functions to be a highly masculine form of manliness. That's why men are not afraid to haul off and let go of a hearty burp, often as a way to emphasize a rhetorical point even in an important conference. (The next slide shows the average share BBBBBBBBBBBBBuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrppppppppp price [Entire group laughs out loud] ... I rest my case)
Medical science tells us that, one way or another, the average man releases 6,000 units of burping sound per day, and significantly more if he is in an elevator after lunch. Meanwhile, the average woman, striving to be feminine, is keeping all that gas bottled up inside her body. This results in an enormous pressure build-up that can, later in life especially after marriage, cause an explosive and embarrassing medical condition known as “El Niño effect.” This is precisely why one well-known woman -- who, out of respect for her privacy, I will refer to here only as “The Queen of Uttar Pradesh” -- is accompanied at all times by men with Shenai and Tabla.
At this point, it might be a good idea for all of us to rewind and jump to the first paragraph to get what is our topic. OK, there it is, snoring. As I was saying, most of us snore, even though -- and I am STILL not in any way referring to my wife -- we refuse to admit it.
But what is snoring? Since many of us do not know it, let me see if I can help you with some facts about it.
Q: What is Snoring?
A: Medically, it means that the air inside the body is being blocked by some organs in your face thus preventing a free flow, resulting in a Dolby 5.1 surround sound.
Q: How serious is Snoring?
A: There is no seriousness to the snorer but it is those innocent partners who can get complications such as Blood Pressure, Cranial bleeding, Cochleae impedimenta and in some cases insomnia and tendencies of a midnight serial killer.
Q: Who told you all these?
A: I have consulted my close friend who happens to be a national expert on sleep, yes Mr.Deva Gowda. He has also authored a book on the “Hypocritical Life of a Farmer” in which there is a chapter entitled “Hiccups causes Suicide amongst snorers”.
Q: I don’t think I can believe this, is it true?
A: If you can believe that there is no connection between “Kalaigner TV” and the 2G scam, why not this? Or for that matter you still believe that Manmohan is the PM and not Sonia Ji.
Q: Is snoring life threatening?
A: Yes if one of your neighbour is a 7 foot boxer or a criminal lawyer.
Q: OK, So how does one cure this?
A: I here from informed medical sources (Google search) that snoring can be cured by a surgical procedure. Basically they cut open the Larynx and the entire back of your throat.
Q: Some medical journals say the above procedure doesn’t always cure, it is so?
A: Who cares? At least YOU won’t snore right.
